March 31

I couldn't let March end with only 2 posts in the entire month.  This has been quite the month, and I've made no time for writing.  Well, I've written a bit in my journals, but nothing on my blog.  I felt a renewed energy to write something daily after reading an article yesterday about this.  The article was about how people who are successful in their goals choose to do their goals daily.  For instance, if I want to look back at the end of this year and say that I've successfully maintained a blog, I should do so daily for a year.  It likely doesn't need to be long blogs or deeply thought provoking, just something to accomplish my goal.  So, I'll give it a try to see how I do. 

Seeking Him

I have not written a blog post in a while.  It's not that I haven't wanted to, I just really had nothing inspiring to write, nothing really on my heart to talk about.  We've had some minor trials here at our house.  Just some medical issues that had to be resolved and the resulting medical bills that follow.  Beyond that, I was just feeling a little uninspired for just about everything in my life.  Blase'...

When I was 15 years old, I attended summer church camp as I had 2 years prior to that, and would another 3 years after.  For some reason, the camp that year stands out in my mind because we broke into small groups daily, meeting in our cabins to discuss the theme of the week.  My camp counselor asked us to write down the person in the bible we most enjoy reading about and why.  I immediately chose David, the psalmist, the shepherd, the King.  Back then, I didn't have an in-depth reason for choosing him.  I think I chose him because "He had a heart after God".  I'm not sure if I really understood what that meant at 15 or not.  I know I had heard it enough in my short 15 years to know that it was important. 

Shoot forward 22 years (WOW!!!), and I was asked that question again on a small group questionnaire.  Again, I chose David.  However, at the age of 37, I think I have a better understanding of David, his heart after God and all of his flaws.  Reading some of his writings in the psalms, you can immediately get the sense that he was trying to constantly please God, but falling short in his own eyes.  Sometimes I joke that David was a little bipolar.  One moment he is down in the dumps over his sin and feeling that God is so far away from him, and in the next breath, he is praising and trusting God.  Psalm 22 is a great example of that.  I think David represents how I feel.  One moment I have complete trust in the Lord to hold me up, to provide, to comfort, and in the next breath, I am questioning His ability to do just what He has promised to do in His word.  After talking to Todd yesterday, I realized that I have allowed my faith to dwindle over the past 10 years.  I haven't sought God fully.  The message at church yesterday was about seeking God first, and I know that I don't completely do that.  When Todd and I met, I believed that the impossible was possible.  I believed that the extraordinary would be common in our lives.  I got discouraged over the years by putting off my time with the Lord in favor of other activities, and I can see the ripple effect in so many areas of my life.  It's amazing how seeking Him first, pursuing Him passionately will bring complete trust and faith in Him.  I am resolving now to SEEK HIM first.  Make HIM a priority.  So many churches have become entertainment venues, self-help seminars and conferences.  It's less about falling in love with Jesus and more about making yourself the best you can be!  Isn't that a shame that our priorities have fallen so out of line with what He has called us to be and do?  I am so inspired by the message shared at church yesterday that all I want to do is fall in love with Jesus all over again. 

It Is Well With My Soul

I have a quiet peace tonight in the midst of a lot of unknowns.  Todd has been sick for a couple of weeks with no resolution to what is going on in his body.  He's in pain, and I can't do anything to help him.  He will need to see more doctors in the next week or so, and probably have more tests to find the root cause.  Our finances are a wreck, gas prices are outrageous, medical bills are heading our way, yet I have an indescribable peace.  For the past few weeks, I've had the old hymn "It Is Well With My Soul" in my head.  I take it as God's way of giving me peace and letting me know that He is taking care of things on my behalf.  Thank you, Lord, for your loving kindness.  Psalm 63:3 "Because your loving kindness is better than life, my lips shall praise you."  I praise you Lord!  You are so good to us.  I honor you in all that I do!  Thank you for providing, for healing, for protecting us.  Thank you, Lord for giving us your peace.  It is well, it is well with my soul.

The title of this blog comes from the old hymn "It is well with my soul" written by Horatio G. Spafford.  He penned this hymn after suffering significant tragedy in his personal life.  If you have time, google the history of this hymn.  It is quite moving!  I've taken the time to write the words here:

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way, When sorrows like sea billows roll; Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say, It is well, it is well, with my soul. Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come, Let this blest assurance control, That Christ has regarded my helpless estate, And hath shed His own blood for my soul. My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought! My sin, not in part but the whole, Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more, Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul! For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live: If Jordan above me shall roll, No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul. But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait, The sky, not the grave, is our goal; Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord! Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul! And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight, The clouds be rolled back as a scroll; The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend, Even so, it is well with my soul.