The New Normal

The New Normal.

The first time I remember hearing that phrase was shortly after 9/11, when the world as we knew it changed.  We were married just 4 days after the event that changed the world. So, our honeymoon was filled with uncertainty. I'm sure Americans felt that way after Pearl Harbor and WW2.  I'm sure they felt that way after Kennedy was shot, and after the Vietnam War.  Every major event in History has allowed for a "new normal."  

I don't like that phrase. I find it difficult to adapt to new norms.  I mean, I still wish I could just go walk someone in to their gate at the airport.  I miss being able to feel safe going into a large building. On our first anniversary, we went to Niagara Falls, and I was overcome with anxiety because of the large crowds. And now? Now I miss getting out and shopping without a mask. Coughing without feeling every eye on me.  Visiting a sick relative while they are in the hospital or long term care facility.  

The weight of it all has been compounded by being stuck at home, not hugging my parents who moved back to our area just before this started.  The anxiety and stress has grown leaps and bounds by having everyone home for over 6 months, and watching my son suffer from not being able to be around people.  He's the extrovert of the family, so it's been especially hard for him.  The recent hurricane, which looked like it was coming our way, made me realize just how much of the new normal feels like it's choking life right out of me.  

I don't function well these days.  It's hard to get motivated for anything besides eating.  I decided to start blogging again after 3+ years of not writing.  I'm hoping it will help me deal with my anxiety, stress and motivation.  I'm praying that I will somehow come out of this new normal with renewed purpose, vision and hope.  What about you?  How are you coping with the New Normal?

A Thankful Heart: Knowing God's Will

Knowing God's will for my life has always been at the forefront of all my thoughts and actions.  Constantly questioning, is this where God wants me, what does God want me to do in this situation, or in the grander view of life itself?  I've struggled with knowing the perfect will of God for my life.  I want to know the "big picture" before I start.  I need a list and a plan.  But, that's not how God works.  

Romans 12:1-2 "I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. 2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."

This verse was memorized by the discipleship class from my youth group days.  My youth pastor did a wonderful job of getting the word in us, growing us in God.  When I first memorized this verse, I was in a stage in life that I was trying to learn as much about God as I could.  I wanted to be transformed by his word as verse two says.  However, as I've been meditating on this verse over the past few months, I've focused on the second part of this verse : "that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."  

When we spend time in God's word, allowing it to transform us, then we will be able to discern God's will for our lives.  He's there, waiting for us to grasp on to Him and His word so He can lead us and guide us into His perfect will.  

We won't just accidentally fall into God's will by being at the right place at the right time.  We need to know His word to know His will for us.  Renew your mind, know your destiny.  This is going to be my word for a while as the renewing process takes time and effort.  I believe God's word is rich with vision, provision, instruction, life and hope.  

Have you been questioning God about your next step, future, or the grand plan?  Consider hiding the word in your heart.  Your spirit will be more in tune with the Holy Spirit when you have the word in you.  We know for sure that God will never lead us to do something that is contrary to his word.  We also know that He has given us spiritual gifts to be used for His glory.  What are your spiritual gifts?  How can you use them for Him, either at your local church, in small group, or even in your community?  That is always a good place to start. 

I guarantee, once you step out in faith to do something for Him, you will know if it's God's will for you.  This is my testimony on this subject.  About a year ago, I was really struggling with what God would have me "do".  I was faithful to going to church and small group, but I really wanted more.  I ran into a friend who is the director of a local non-profit.  She needed volunteers for their Christmas outreach, and I was available for a couple of days to do that.  Once I was there, I instantly knew that was where God wanted me to serve.  See, I'm not gifted in working with children, music, or many other church operations, but I saw the need at Lighthouse and knew I had a gift that could be used there.  

After my couple of days around Christmas, I started volunteering there one day a week while my youngest was in pre-school.  My "job" was to work the front desk, create flyers and other office related things, and it was right up my alley.  It was the first time in years that I really knew I was right exactly where God wanted me to be.  I wish I could explain all of this right in front of you.  You could see that I have tears in my eyes because of His goodness to me, and because of His faithfulness to lead me.  All I had to do was get in His word, be still and listen to His leading.

From the archives (before blogging) journal entry dated 2/1999:  

God has provided resources and the ability for us to make responsible decisions regarding His will for our lives.

1.  God has provided His general will through His word.  We know through His word that we are called to love and lead people to Jesus, not ourselves.

2.  Prayer is vital for knowing God's will.  Prayer time is not just us communicating with God our needs, but Him communicating to us His will.  When you pray, you must allow time for God to talk to you, too.  Matthew 7:7 - Ask, seek and knock and it will be given, you will find, and it will be opened.  

3.  Seek out godly counsel.  God has gifted men and women to counsel others in life.  This is not someone who will tell you what to do, but instead, someone who will help you see the wisdom in your own choice as you follow the leading of the Holy Spirit.

4.  Life circumstances will help you realize God's purpose for your life.  Sometimes we end up where we are by our own choices, but sometimes God is leading us right where we are.  We can look back and see His orchestration throughout our lives.

5.  The Holy Spirit will help you know the will of God for your life by the peace it brings.  

Be blessed friends!

A Thankful Heart: M.A.S.H.ing It Up

There was a game that we played as young girls.  I'm sure a lot of girls from the 80's played it.  It was called M.A.S.H.  It stood for Mansion, Apartment, Shack, House.  There were different versions, and some would add more categories than others.  We played it so that it included boys, jobs, cities and cars.  All the important things in life... or were they?

 

 

Of course, now as an adult, these things are trivial - will you live in a mansion, apartment, shack or house?  Will you drive a corvette, Mercedes, Jaguar or other luxury car?  Those things are all extras in a life that is determined to live for God.  In the grand scheme of life, what we drive, wear, do for a living or where we live are not matters of eternity.  It takes growth to realize this.  We can strive and strive to fill our driveways and homes with the finest of things, but until we surrender it all to God, we will never really fully enjoy them.

To understand the difference of this fantasy game with God given dreams requires us to spend time with Him.  I believe immature Christians are not just new believers, but believers with a "me" mindset.  Their prayers often revolve around "God give me..."  Maybe our greatest blessings come in the midst of serving God.  We find our greatest joys in serving Him, worshipping Him, spending time with Him.  There is nothing like being in the presence of the Lord, and nothing can substitute for it no matter how hard we try.

How many times have we tried to substitute God's presence with our goals, our dreams, our fantasies?  We just can't do it.  Nothing else fits the God-sized hole left in us when He's not filling it.  Let me encourage you to evaluate your M.A.S.H. dreams and determine if they are bringing you closer to God or pushing you further away.  What if we changed M.A.S.H. to mean something more?  Ministry, Adoration, Supplication, Hymns.  Wouldn't it be something if our prayers shifted from fulfilling our selfish desired to filling God's desires for us?

Let's try to forget our fantasies, and instead, ask God for His dreams for us.  God, what would you have us do?  Where would you have us serve?  Not everything lines up with my M.A.S.H. dreams today.  We can choose to dwell in the disappointment of those failed dreams, or choose to align ourselves with the One who gives us dreams.

Father, there are areas in our lives that are discouraging and disappointing to us.  You know those well.  You know us for you formed us, and knitted us together.  We lay those disappointments and discouragements at your feet.  We ask you to take those things and redeem them for us, and give us dreams and vision for our lives.  We pray that you would ignite in us a passion for serving you fully.  We desire You, God.  We desire to spend time in your word, in fellowship with you.  Father, heal our broken hearts, mend those places that seem irreparable.  We love you, Lord.  We honor you today, and we thank you for your goodness and mercy.  In Jesus' Name, Amen!
 

A Thankful Heart: Days 31 & 32 - Encouragement From The Lord

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.  Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you." Jeremiah 29:11-12

This is such a well known verse.  There is so much depth to it, but what I feel like God was showing me last night was that He desires for us to walk in hope.  I was so encouraged last night as I was thinking about how God has been lifting me out of years-long depression and self-pity.  I read a message from someone on twitter about negative thinking being a lack of faith, but the Holy Spirit really spoke to me and this is what I wrote afterward in my journal.  

Negative thinking, gossip, anxiety, depression, etc all generally stem from loss of hope, not lack of faith.  Hope is what keeps our eyes, and our mouths for that matter, out of those dark areas of life.  A person who has their eyes fixed on Jesus is full of hope, even in seemingly hopeless situations.  A person who is full of hope can't walk in depression, the two are polar opposites.  

Tonight, I'm thanking God for the promises in His word to give us hope!  Don't lose your hope!  He has a plan for you, my friend, and His plan gives us a future and a hope.  He hears us when we pray, that promise is given throughout His word, but it is plainly stated in Jeremiah 29:12.  Let us take hope, hold fast to the confession of our faith for He is faithful who promised.  

Do you feel like you have lost hope?  Do you feel that you don't have much of a future to look forward to?  Press in, friend.  God draws close to us as we draw close to Him.  It's not always easy to break unnecessary habits to make time for him.  I am guilty of watching too much tv and using the computer too much to escape instead of diving into His word to get full of life.  That is the best place to build our hope and feel full of His presence.  He desires you, my friend.   

Father, I lift up everyone who feels lost, or without hope.  I thank you for your word, that you have promised to give us a future and a hope.  I pray for peace over those who have no peace, and thank you for the peace that passes all understanding to guard their hearts and their minds in Christ.  I ask that you would cover my friends in peace, and give them a new hope for their lives, a new view of their future, Lord.  I thank you, Father, that you are a very present help in times of trouble, and that you care about every detail in our lives.  You see the broken hearted and are close to them.  I pray that they would feel your presence even now, that they would know you are drawing them in to you.  In Jesus Name, Amen.

Back to Life

I'm not going to jump and shout that I'm cured of depression and I'll never experience it again, but I will rejoice that I seem to be responding well to medication, exercise and lifestyle changes.  I feel more at rest, no matter what is going on, and my kids are the direct beneficiaries of that!  I also feel more focused, less stressed, and less anxious!  Praise God for His faithfulness and direction!  He has guided me through the storm. 

God has been especially good to me by blessing me with beautiful women who encourage me and have given me some laughter and good memories.  I hope to be saying that 20 years from now about the same beautiful women!  I couldn't ask for a better husband as he has been so gracious toward me, and has given me the time I need to get better and any quiet time I've needed.  He truly loves me "as Christ loves the church".  He is absolutely the BEST!!!! 

I hope to be back on a regular posting schedule soon.  I'm sure once school starts that I'll be posting often.  This is the first time I'll have Luke in school all day, and Jacob will be at MDO 2 days a week!  WOW!  I have lots of hopes for those times, but we will see what I get done.  :)

God works in the quiet times

Our small group took a questionnaire and was asked to answer 10 questions out of 16.  One of the 16 questions, which struck me most, was "Describe a time when you felt closest to God".  I immediately went to that time period on my mind.  I thought about my late teens, and twenties.  I remember experiencing great victories in God, a sincere close relationship with Him.  I remembered many times ministering out with my youth group, young adult camps, and talking about God's word with my closest friends.  The last time I felt that sincere deep relationship with the Lord was around age 26, just before my Aunt Nene died followed by my dearest friend Stephanie.  I think when those events took place, I started to question God.  I didn't fully understand why two people I cared for had to leave this earth to take their place in their heavenly homes.  I still don't.  I don't mourn like many people.  I'm pretty quiet in my tears, and i tend to hold it in.  It's not healthy, I know.  (Getting off track, here)  My point is that 26 seems to be the pivotal point where I started to decline in my relationship with a Holy God.

So, after i answered the question for my encouragement partner, I realized that I haven't allowed myself to be close to God in 10 years!  10 YEARS!!!!  Oh, I've played church, put the smile on, prayed when needed and lifted my hands in worship, but I haven't been sincere about it!  I think if everyone examined their heart, they would probably see that in themselves at some point in their life.  This is not a valley that I plan to stay in.  Even David "the man after God's own heart" went through valleys and ruts.  He questioned.  He agonized.  Yet, he worshipped.  My opinion is that David wrote one of the greatest Psalms ever penned.  Psalm 23.  We will walk THROUGH valleys, but we don't have to set up house there!  I'm looking for a new house on the mountain!  ;)  Praise God!!!  He still loves me!

I don't want to play church anymore.  I want to know Him!  I want to be so intimately acquainted with Him that when people look at me, they see Jesus.  Lord, fill me!  Open my eyes to see where I need to grow, what needs to change in me so that You can work through me!  Make me a holy vessel for your glory!  Show me, God, when I'm wasting time, when I could be increasing in faith.  Teach me, guide me, and direct me!  Set apart for you.

I just know that in the quiet times, I can hear Him better, I can see His hand more clearly, and I can relax and know that HE IS.  He is everything that I am not, and more.  He is everything I need and everything I want.  Thank you Lord for working in my quiet times!  The rest of this blog post is from a note I posted on Facebook several months ago.  I hope you enjoy!

1 The Lord is my shepherd;

I have all that I need.

2 He lets me rest in green meadows;

he leads me beside peaceful streams.

3 He renews my strength.

He guides me along right paths,

bringing honor to his name.

4 Even when I walk

through the darkest valley,

I will not be afraid,

for you are close beside me.

Your rod and your staff

protect and comfort me.

5 You prepare a feast for me

in the presence of my enemies.

You honor me by anointing my head with oil.

My cup overflows with blessings.

6 Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me

all the days of my life,

and I will live in the house of the Lord

forever.

Just had to share this chapter in the Psalm that brings me so much peace! God is an ever-present help in times of need. He is always there, ready to fill us with His peace, strengthen us, comfort us, guide us, protect us, provide for us, and bless our lives! His unfailing love pursues us. Isn't that a beautiful thought? His love chases after us in pursuit of our heart in order to be our all in all, our Savior and Lord. He desires to be our everything and doesn't give up (unfailing love). WOW! I love how He loves me! Reminds me of the song we used to sing in Sunday School when I was really young:

Oh, how I love Jesus. Oh, how I love Jesus.

Oh, how I love Jesus, because He first loved me!

That's not the full version of the song, only the chorus, but it's the part I love. I found this old hymn tonight, and it's just beautiful, so thought I'd share:

Love Song (a hymn)

In holiness brilliant, in righteousness bright,

Yet sweet in compassion with touch soft and light,

My Father in ravishing love now draws nigh,

To cherish my soul as the gem of His eye.

His covenant promise, His mighty right arm,

Embrace me securely and keep me from harm.

His faithful, longsuffering, infinite grace

Will bring me home safe, where He’ll show me His face.

Till then, my days pass in the palm of His hand;

His Word whispers comfort in every command.

His Promise sustains me; my triumph is won:

My mansion is bought with the blood of His Son.

The work of His Spirit goes on in my heart,

Restoring His image within by His art,

His workmanship Godlike, His skill so divine,

His voice speaks within me: “Be still, and be Mine.”

Though dark be the valley, though steep be the hill,

My comfort, my refuge, is my Father’s will!

His sweet, soft compassion will fit me aright

For holiness brilliant and righteousness bright.