Living Through The Hard Seasons

From the outside looking in, I've got it pretty good.  I have a husband who adores me.  I have two boys who are tenderhearted toward me.  I live in the suburbs, drive a minivan, and I get to be a stay at home mom. 

These are the things I would have given anything for just 15 years ago.  All I wanted was to be married and be a stay at home mom.  I imagined it all.  I dreamed it all.  And now, now it's reality.  And, I struggle.  I struggle with depression and self-worth.  I struggle with comparison and figuring out my place in this crazy world.  I struggle with trusting God completely.    

Here's the thing, friend.  In my moments of struggle, I always know He is working in me, using my mess as a witness.  Even when my vision is clouded over like the morning fog, I know He is there guiding me through it.  In those dark moments when I feel furthest from Him, He is drawing me closer to Him.  

I can almost always attribute the "depression seasons" to times where I have not spent time in worship, in the Word, or in prayer.  All of them are essential in my walk with Him to live more fully.  Though I try to replace those essentials with blogs, books and devotions, they are good and have a place, they can not replace HIM.  They can't take the place of His Word.  

So, here I am two weeks into the new year, and all I can think about is my One Word - LIVE.  I have done anything but that over the past two weeks.  I've found my hiding place, and it's snug and no one else is there.  I can hide away from the rest of the world there.  I have shirked my responsibility in my home.  I've put off doing anything until I can "get myself together".  I'm such a mess.  

The song You Alone Can Rescue by Matt Redman has been on my heart this morning.  I'm hoping in Him, and I'm lifting up my eyes to the giver of life.  I can't LIVE this year without more of Him.  As I sing this praise to Him, I find that life, His life in me, is being restored to me.  Depression leaves as I enter into His presence, and I'm made whole in Him.  

All of my worries and anxieties are put into a bag and laid before His feet.  I will choose to take on His yoke, for it is easy, and light.  In Him, I will find rest for my soul in the midst of unrest, and peace where chaos wants to invade.  

Let me encourage you to do the same.  Do you have areas where you struggle consistently?  Do you find power and release in times of worship, prayer and time in His Word?  Walk with me, friend, and let's dig deep into Him.  Let's find our place in Him together.  If you feel like you are without words to pray, pray this prayer with me.

Thank you, Father, for loving me through my mess, through my brokenness.  Thank you for the wisdom and peace you give to us as we ask you for them.  I ask for wisdom and peace in every area of my life.  I pray that you will continue to guide my steps, and that they are ordered by you.  Father, I thank you that I know your voice, and the voice of a stranger I'll not follow.  To you, alone, belongs the highest praise.  You are the giver of life, and I know that fully, Lord.  Let me find my full life in you alone!  Father, thank you for using each season of my life for your glory.  I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  In Jesus Name, Amen!


I'm linking up with Crystal Stine today over at Behind the Scenes.  Come join us!

A Thankful Heart: At the Sunset

Sunset at Offats Bayou, Galveston, TX

I turned 40 in August.  It wasn't as traumatic as I thought it would be.  Maybe it was because I was actually looking forward to making my 40's better than my crazy 30's.  A new decade,  a new promise, a new hope.  

Birthday plans fell apart at the last minute, but sometimes that makes for the best kind of birthday.  My husband and I enjoyed a kid-free night doing things we don't normally get to do.  He got me an amazing camera for my birthday, so we drove down to Galveston to play with it.  

This sunset is one of the first pictures I took there.  It reminds me of God's goodness.  It also made me think of being middle aged and the sunset in years.  While I'm not old or at the end of my years, it seems so much more real to me that time has flown by.  That my first 40 years were a whirlwind, even when it seemed time was dragging by in that 11th grade Algebra class.  

I look back and see God's faithfulness.  His love and mercy on me.  I look forward and hope for many more years serving Him here.  Watching my children grow into men of God, men of character.  Watching my hands wrinkle alongside my husband who has faithfully loved me when I've least deserved it.  

This sunset burns bright over the water.  I want to burn bright in the second half of my life.  Brighter than the noonday sun.  Lord, may you bright in me.  

Linking up for the first time with Crystal Stine for Behind the Scenes.  

"Behind the Scenes" is a fun link up where we show those photos - but tell the real story behind them. The sneak peek behind the scenes, a look past the edges of the photo to the real life behind it. 

You're invited to join in - we'll write up our posts & link up on Tuesdays!

IT’S EASY TO JOIN:

1. Choose a photo
2. Write the "Behind the Scenes" story
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LINK UP TIPS:

• Select the link to your actual post, not just your generic blog address 
• Using the blue linky tool at the bottom of each post to enter your link
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