I Do It Myself

I like how God uses unsuspecting people, things, or nature to give us little lessons.  My 2 year old, Jacob, is in the phase of toddlerhood where he is exploring independence, determined to do things on his own.  Today, while at my mom's house, she asked me to turn on the television for Jacob.  I went for the remote, and Jacob grabbed it saying "I do it myself".  He was pressing all the wrong buttons, not getting anywhere.  I kept saying, "Let me do it for you, let me help you".  I had this sudden revelation that God is doing the same thing in our lives.  He is saying to us, "Let me help you" and we respond "I do it myself".  God is waiting to help us in our times of need, questioning, doubting.  Some of us still are in our toddler years, or even adult years yelling back at God that we can do it all alone.  The truth is, if we really got to the heart of all of our issues, we'd find a list of turning points when we insisted on doing it our way instead of God's way.

I often go back to a time when I know that I know that I know that I was in the perfect will of God.  The peace that I had at that time was like none other.  It was summer of 1995 through spring of 1996.  This is not the only time in my life that I knew I was following God's plan, but it's the one that I'm thinking about right now.  That summer of 1995, I was an adult leader going with a bunch of teenagers and other adult leaders on a missions trip to Managua, Nicaragua.  I had no idea what was in store for me on that trip.  We did the usual crusade type of things, went into orphanages, schools and town squares.  We did dramas and outreaches.  It was an amazing time.  But, while we were there, I had a strong urgency in my spirit to pray about going back.  I prayed from August through the beginning of January until I knew that it was time.  In January, I called the pastors there and asked if it would be possible for me to come and if I'd have a place to stay, etc.  That night, I booked my flight; the next day, I quit my job (which is whole other awesome story that ties into this, but kind of long).  I left on February 5, 1996 for Managua and lived with a beautiful family for 3 months.  It was truly one of the most rewarding and significant experiences of my life.  I play those months over in my head many times a year. 

There was just something wonderful and special about being in God's will, and knowing without a doubt that I was.  I didn't do anything in my own power, but God opened doors for me.  Imagine if we lived our entire lives that way?  How wonderful would it be to experience God's perfect will, His hand guiding us in every decision, every question, every doubt?  This is what I strive for!  I can say that I still struggle with "I do it myself", but God is still there waiting to turn things on for me, just as I was there for Jacob waiting to turn things on.  He finally gave in and handed me the remote, and to his surprise, his favorite show was on.  Just like God to show us His good thoughts toward us through our children.  :)