God is so faithful! I have been struggling with depression for months, although the reality is that it's probably been years. However, it reached a breaking point during this summer. I couldn't even function in my home, not making dinner (other than hot dogs, chicken nuggets, etc), not washing clothes, etc. It was becoming increasingly difficult to even get out of bed in the mornings, and having to force myself to stay awake during the day. I'd often find myself nodding off on the couch while the kids played only to be awakened by a loud crashing noise of some sort. I have been moody, snippy, and downright horrible to my sweet, loving boys. They have bore the brunt of my anger and unhappiness. I'm thankful for a loving, patient husband who has endured and prayed for me. I've been less than pleasant to live with, I'm sure.
But God. God is so good. I know there will always be times when I need to get myself in check, and I'm still in the process of healing. I don't think it's an overnight thing, but I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I have started working out again to release natural endorphins. The first day after my first workout, Todd said he could see a twinkle in my eye. That meant the world to me! I'm making time for girlfriends, and establishing closer bonds with girls I admire and love. I'm taking a deep breath before dealing with my kids. I'm catching up with old friends who mean a lot to me. I'm just taking a lot of natural steps to healing. I'll be seeing my doctor in a couple of weeks to discuss starting other options. I had a ton of blood work done in the spring to figure out why I was having certain physical symptoms. A dear friend told me that there is some release in speaking about what's going on, that it give the offender less control over you. Since I've been talking to my closest girlfriends and husband about this, I have felt a release and depression does not have the same hold on me as it did before. I know I'm on the road to recovery, but I know I have to work at this and not be complacent about it. I am truly grateful and thankful for those friends who I have confided in, who have taken the time to talk to me about their stories, and who have prayed for me. God is so faithful! He meets us right where we are!
Such a beautiful thing. I'm so glad you're beginning to feel yourself coming out of the hardest part of the struggle. Yes, don't become complacent about it, even as it gets better...especially the part about connecting with those girlfriends! This girlfriend loves you, admires you, and appreciates every time we get to hang out together. Hope it's again soon!
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