When I was young, early 20's probably, I would write out the names of the 7 kids I wanted. Yes, SEVEN! I desired to have a large family, live on the mission field somewhere and have the perfect life. I was going to be the perfect mom, wife, friend, daughter, etc. Perfect, perfect, perfect.
My early 20's were consumed with finding the right guy. I didn't really date because I thought dating was useless unless I knew that he was the guy I'd marry. Can we just say much of my early 20's were spent in great frustration? Trying to figure out my place in the world, what I wanted in a guy, and absolutely no compromising on my list of "must haves" in the perfect man.
I'm kind of glad it worked out that way. I think I might have settled a lot sooner for less than God had for me. No, I KNOW I would have settled a lot sooner. I can't tell you how many times I just asked God to send me the right guy. Every big event my church held would bring in ministers from all over, and I just hoped and prayed that "he" would come then. Seeking. Frustrated. Waiting.
I would say that until age 26, I wished most of my time away. I wished I was already married with kids, living in some remote part of the world. Then, a crazy thing happened on the way to what God had for me. My best friend passed away unexpectedly. It devastated me. It made me question all that I believed in. It made me take a good look and truly understand what I believed and why I believed it. It was no longer my parents gospel, but it had to become my own. I went through several months of living on the "edge". I kind of laugh at that now because living on the edge to me wasn't what most people would call living on the edge. HA! I was just rebelling, not going to church, listening to secular music, pretty much doing whatever I felt like doing.
I started going to Lakewood Church late that summer, just after my 27th birthday. I know so many people with conflicting opinions on Lakewood, so I'll just say that, for me, it was a place of healing. It was a time of understanding God's great love and grace for us, and learning that I didn't need a list of "perfect" things to have the perfect life. It was a time of sweet fellowship with God, and a renewal of my spirit. It was during this time that I looked at my list of perfect traits that my future husband must have and realizing that most of that list was superficial. All I really wanted was a man that loved God.
Enter Todd. We met online in January of that year, though our writings were few and far between. We were really just casual acquaintances. Mostly it was the distance between us. He in Massachusetts, I in Houston, TX. However, that September, we started writing more frequently, sharing more details about our lives. He was a member of a Southern Baptist church and had only been a christian a few years. I was a member of a spirit filled/charismatic church and had been a christian since I could talk. LOL!
I didn't really give him a chance when we first started talking that January because I felt that he was not "perfect" enough. He didn't meet my list. But, what I learned about him when we started talking more, getting to know each other is this; he loved God. He knew more about the bible than I did, and that is sad, but true. I knew lots of individual scriptures, but I didn't understand how they fit into the full story. We spent the next five months (Sept-Jan) writing pages long emails, talking 2-4 hours a night on the phone, and, basically, falling in love.
In January 2001, Todd sent me the most beautiful bouquet of flowers I had ever seen. I literally had to have one of the guys I worked with carry it to my car because it was so heavy. He didn't know it, but he had included my most favorite flower in the bunch, and there were LOTS of them. Stargazer Lily by the way. When I got home, my mom just gushed over them and couldn't believe how beautiful they were. That night, I booked a flight to Boston, MA to meet this guy that I couldn't stop talking to, sharing my entire life with 2000+ miles away. I flew in on February 15 (his birthday is February 18, so it was a birthday present/meet this guy gift). He came to TX one month later and we were engaged on March 15. I moved to Cape Cod the first week of May and we married on September 15, 2001 (another post on that later).
All I can say is this, we make lots of plans for our lives, and think we know what is "perfect". All along, God is there waiting for us to submit our plans for our lives to Him and let Him write the story for us. Proverbs 19:21 - Many are the plans in a man's heart, but the Lord's purpose will prevail.
Heavenly Father, thank you for writing my story. Thank you for leading Todd and I together at the perfect time. You are the author and finisher of my faith. I pray that your purpose is revealed to me. I ask, God, that you would reveal yourself to me each day, and that each day I would fully understand your blessings and workings. I praise you today, and I thank you for the gifts you have given me.
Side note: This is not at all what I intended to write about, but it is what flowed out today.
Monday, January 21, 2013
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Amazing Grace
I have been meditating on the word grace for a couple of weeks now. Since we started studying the book of John at church, I have become slightly obsessed with the word. John 1:16 is really what has fueled this passion about grace. The English Standard Version reads "For from this fullness we have all received, grace upon grace. Grace is literally translated as unmerited favor. Favor upon favor. WOW!
God is so full of grace. It is the greatest gift a man can receive to understand and know the fullness of God's grace. It is through grace that we experience any other blessing that God would have in store for us. I would challenge any believer who focuses solely on the physical blessings of God to, instead, focus on the grace of God. It is not by bragging of what God has given us (home, car, marriage, job, etc) that is our greatest blessing. It is by bragging on the grace He has given to us through His son, Jesus Christ. Everything else that comes out of God blessing us is just residual to the real blessing of eternal life.
John 13:35 says "By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another. We can not fully experience God's love and display it to the world without understanding His grace, His unmerited favor toward us.
It occurred to me today that the fruits of the spirit correspond directly with our knowledge, understanding and experience of God's grace. A person full of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control has understanding of His grace because it is only by grace that we can display, flow and pour out the fruits of the spirit.
I am so passionate about God's grace, and I pray that I can show His grace to everyone that I meet. I pray that I am filled with boldness, and that my spiritual gifts come into action when God has called me to share his grace with someone specific. I have so much stirring on the inside of me about this, and I'm sure I'll write more about it at another time. But for now, be encouraged to show grace to everyone you meet.
God is so full of grace. It is the greatest gift a man can receive to understand and know the fullness of God's grace. It is through grace that we experience any other blessing that God would have in store for us. I would challenge any believer who focuses solely on the physical blessings of God to, instead, focus on the grace of God. It is not by bragging of what God has given us (home, car, marriage, job, etc) that is our greatest blessing. It is by bragging on the grace He has given to us through His son, Jesus Christ. Everything else that comes out of God blessing us is just residual to the real blessing of eternal life.
John 13:35 says "By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another. We can not fully experience God's love and display it to the world without understanding His grace, His unmerited favor toward us.
It occurred to me today that the fruits of the spirit correspond directly with our knowledge, understanding and experience of God's grace. A person full of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control has understanding of His grace because it is only by grace that we can display, flow and pour out the fruits of the spirit.
I am so passionate about God's grace, and I pray that I can show His grace to everyone that I meet. I pray that I am filled with boldness, and that my spiritual gifts come into action when God has called me to share his grace with someone specific. I have so much stirring on the inside of me about this, and I'm sure I'll write more about it at another time. But for now, be encouraged to show grace to everyone you meet.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Turning passivity into passion
Passivity - the trait of being inactive, lack of initiative.
That word, passivity, has described my life for a long time. I have gone through a time of passivity in my marriage, family, health, finances, you name it, I've been there... in that rut of passivity. Choosing the couch over exercise. Choosing the tv over conversation with my husband. Choosing my email over time with my kids. Choosing anything over precious time with my Lord and savior.
That's why I know the word passionate came from the Lord directly for me for 2013. This is the year to set aside passivity and be passionate about life, family, Jesus and everything else! So, this is how I started my year, with much excitement about what God was going to do in me.
My husband I will both turn 40 this year. He will celebrate in February, and I will in August. We have totally different views about this turning point number. He is not happy about it, in fact, he is dreading it. It's the "end of being a kid". I, on the other hand, am over the moon about it, and can't wait to celebrate what I feel in my heart will be one of the greatest years of my life. Extreme opposites, no?
I loved the blog post over on One Word about the umbrella effect. It really solidified for me why I was doing this, and how it would trickle down into my life. For me, my word is Passionate. There are four specific areas that I felt like I needed to be more passionate about in my life: my relationship with the Lord, my marriage, my kids and my health. These are all specific areas that I know God is leading me to grow in, and to be more passionate about. I'm excited to see the growth and the change that will take place over the next year. But, I can already see heart change in myself in these four specific areas. That is the part that has to happen before any tangible change can happen, so I'm thrilled that I'm already seeing that happen in my life.
Passionate - having or expressing great depth of feeling.
Father God, first I come to you in awe of you. In awe of how you conduct the symphony of my life. I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I thank you for changing me and molding me into the person you designed me to be. I thank you for inspiring me with the word passionate for 2013. I pray that you would show me each day how to be more passionate in the four areas that you have laid on my heart. I pray that you would enlighten my eyes when you've placed opportunity before me to grow in those areas. I thank you for your goodness toward me. I love you, Jesus! In Jesus name, amen!
That word, passivity, has described my life for a long time. I have gone through a time of passivity in my marriage, family, health, finances, you name it, I've been there... in that rut of passivity. Choosing the couch over exercise. Choosing the tv over conversation with my husband. Choosing my email over time with my kids. Choosing anything over precious time with my Lord and savior.
That's why I know the word passionate came from the Lord directly for me for 2013. This is the year to set aside passivity and be passionate about life, family, Jesus and everything else! So, this is how I started my year, with much excitement about what God was going to do in me.
My husband I will both turn 40 this year. He will celebrate in February, and I will in August. We have totally different views about this turning point number. He is not happy about it, in fact, he is dreading it. It's the "end of being a kid". I, on the other hand, am over the moon about it, and can't wait to celebrate what I feel in my heart will be one of the greatest years of my life. Extreme opposites, no?
I loved the blog post over on One Word about the umbrella effect. It really solidified for me why I was doing this, and how it would trickle down into my life. For me, my word is Passionate. There are four specific areas that I felt like I needed to be more passionate about in my life: my relationship with the Lord, my marriage, my kids and my health. These are all specific areas that I know God is leading me to grow in, and to be more passionate about. I'm excited to see the growth and the change that will take place over the next year. But, I can already see heart change in myself in these four specific areas. That is the part that has to happen before any tangible change can happen, so I'm thrilled that I'm already seeing that happen in my life.
Passionate - having or expressing great depth of feeling.
Father God, first I come to you in awe of you. In awe of how you conduct the symphony of my life. I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I thank you for changing me and molding me into the person you designed me to be. I thank you for inspiring me with the word passionate for 2013. I pray that you would show me each day how to be more passionate in the four areas that you have laid on my heart. I pray that you would enlighten my eyes when you've placed opportunity before me to grow in those areas. I thank you for your goodness toward me. I love you, Jesus! In Jesus name, amen!
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Tell it like it is
I have never been a "tell it like it is" kind of person. In fact, I've been pretty passive all of my life. I grew up in a church that frequently had well known evangelists and ministers from all over. If you've ever met an evangelist, you know they tell it like it is. You need Jesus, period. This often intimidated me. They seemed to be so bold and powerful, like they could lead anyone to the Lord, even the fly on the wall. When our church would go out to hand out tracts, I would try to team up with some of the boldest people I knew. These people were not shy with words,and knew how to lead people to the Lord. I didn't know what to say or how to act around people who look at you and seem to see exactly what you are thinking.
Well, last night I had a dream. It woke me up at 2:30 and I couldn't get back to sleep. There was a scared, lost little girl, and a lost dog who was shaking. People were passing all around and not even noticing the fear and anxiety in their faces. As I passed, I heard the Lord say "stop, NOTICE her." So, I looked more closely and she had a collar on her neck, similar to the dog collar, but it was pretty. Her tags read "if lost, call..."
Instantly, I woke up. I felt God leading me to write about this immediately, so I turned on my phone and jotted down the details so I would be able to write more when my eyes cleared up from the middle of the night blur. I believe God was showing me that we are all called to be ambassadors for Him. I know this is a common point preached over and over, but it was a dream that made it stand out to me.
How many times do we pass people in life, never noticing their anxious faces. Never noticing that they are lost and need to be found. They need Jesus. This pierced my heart last night. What simple things could I do to share God's great love for people? I know many lost and hurting people, but I have been too timid to share Christ's redeeming love. There are so many simple, yet profound things I can do to share God's love, and perhaps lead them to Christ.
The Great Commission came from Jesus in Matthew 28. In verse 19 he clearly commands his disciples (which would be us today) "Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit." This is our purpose, no matter what our gifts or talents are, no matter what our personality traits are. It may not always come out like an evangelist, pastor, teacher, apostle, or other minister. For most of us, it will just come out in the way of inviting someone for coffee and to share a bit of your testimony. It may look like you bringing dinner to someone going through a hard time. I personally have a few people in my life that need a savior, and no one has reached out to them in any way, practically or spiritually. I believe those are open doors for us to bring them a meal and just say "God cares about what you are going through".
I believe this is why God gave me my One Word, Passionate, for 2013. I can say without a doubt that this one area of my life is one that I am least passionate about, but it is the one area that God has called all of us to be most passionate about. Pray with me, that we will be a more passionate people about showing others the way to Him.
If you happened upon this blog, and don't know Jesus, let me invite you to find out more about him. Jesus is the son of God. He was God in flesh, come to earth as a man to seek and save the lost. He was the ultimate sacrifice, taking our sin upon him so we might find grace and salvation. God's grace has been given to us. Jesus has covered our sins and failures with his blood. All we have to do is believe on Him, and ask Him to be our Lord and Savior.
The bible says everyone needs salvation because we have all sinned. Romans 3:10 "there is no one righteous, not even one." Romans 3:23 "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." God has provided a way for us: Romans 5:8 "but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 6:23 "For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." And how we receive salvation: Romans 10:9-10 "if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved."
Invite him to come into your life today. He's ready and waiting for you.
Monday, January 7, 2013
Sacrifice
As I washed the dishes for what felt like the 10th time, then folded my 4th load of laundry for the day, I started to mumble under my breath "Lord, please give me passion for my family that I am doing this for." He gently reminded me that sacrifice breeds passion.
People to don't sacrifice for things they are not passionate about. Think of anyone at the top of their field. They didn't get there by not being passionate about that field. They also didn't get there without sacrifice. Some sacrifice family time, some sacrifice beloved foods, some sacrifice friendships, some sacrifice temporary spending for further gain. I could go on, but I think you get the picture.
God is so good to remind me that I am passionate about the 2 little guys and one big guy as well as a dog and a fish. Some days. the mundane, day to day sacrifice is all the passion I can show to them, and other days I am ready to lavish my love, time and energy on them.
Jesus should always be our example for all of our thoughts and ideas. So, I point back to Him and say, Look how passionately He loved us. He paid the ultimate sacrifice because He was so passionate about us. He had public displays of affection, no, not in the way we think of PDA. He lavished his love on his followers through healing, working of miracles, teaching them the way and loving them through all of their messy stuff. I want to be more like him each day, and love through all of the messy stuff no matter how much it hurts me, how much it bogs me down, or how much I want to give up.
Thank you, Father, for revealing to me the simple, day to day love you have for me, and how I display it for my family. I often feel inadequate to be raising such precious vessels for you. I feel unworthy as a mother on so many days, but you always bring me back to your word and confidence in who I am in you. Thank you for your goodness and mercy. Thank you for reminding in your word that from Jesus we have received grace upon grace. That has gone off in me like a lightning bolt, God. Help me to remember it when I'm kicking myself for messing up. Grace upon grace. I praise you God for your faithfulness! In Jesus Name, Amen!
People to don't sacrifice for things they are not passionate about. Think of anyone at the top of their field. They didn't get there by not being passionate about that field. They also didn't get there without sacrifice. Some sacrifice family time, some sacrifice beloved foods, some sacrifice friendships, some sacrifice temporary spending for further gain. I could go on, but I think you get the picture.
God is so good to remind me that I am passionate about the 2 little guys and one big guy as well as a dog and a fish. Some days. the mundane, day to day sacrifice is all the passion I can show to them, and other days I am ready to lavish my love, time and energy on them.
Jesus should always be our example for all of our thoughts and ideas. So, I point back to Him and say, Look how passionately He loved us. He paid the ultimate sacrifice because He was so passionate about us. He had public displays of affection, no, not in the way we think of PDA. He lavished his love on his followers through healing, working of miracles, teaching them the way and loving them through all of their messy stuff. I want to be more like him each day, and love through all of the messy stuff no matter how much it hurts me, how much it bogs me down, or how much I want to give up.
Thank you, Father, for revealing to me the simple, day to day love you have for me, and how I display it for my family. I often feel inadequate to be raising such precious vessels for you. I feel unworthy as a mother on so many days, but you always bring me back to your word and confidence in who I am in you. Thank you for your goodness and mercy. Thank you for reminding in your word that from Jesus we have received grace upon grace. That has gone off in me like a lightning bolt, God. Help me to remember it when I'm kicking myself for messing up. Grace upon grace. I praise you God for your faithfulness! In Jesus Name, Amen!
Friday, January 4, 2013
Opportunity
Opportunity is this right here. It's this moment that I have my two kids occupied for just a few minutes so I can write and catch up on everything that goes on outside of my house.
I am always searching for opportunities, but when I think of that word, I'm thinking of the BIG things. I never see the small opportunities that God puts in my life on a daily basis. Opportunities to serve, to be quiet, to clean, to just be. Those opportunities get drowned out by the noise of life, two kids, a husband and a dog. The noise of social media. The noise of the tv. The noise of my iPod playing in the background.
I will try to shift my focus off of the distractions and on to the opportunities at hand. Thank God for the small things and rejoice in the big things!
Chandra
I am always searching for opportunities, but when I think of that word, I'm thinking of the BIG things. I never see the small opportunities that God puts in my life on a daily basis. Opportunities to serve, to be quiet, to clean, to just be. Those opportunities get drowned out by the noise of life, two kids, a husband and a dog. The noise of social media. The noise of the tv. The noise of my iPod playing in the background.
I will try to shift my focus off of the distractions and on to the opportunities at hand. Thank God for the small things and rejoice in the big things!
Chandra
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Where did the passion go?
When I got my ONE WORD for 2013, I knew exactly why it was that particular word. My word is passionate. I'll be writing about it throughout the year. I knew that word was from the Lord because I have lived a passionless life for several years.
People lose passion for many reasons: stress, depression, life circumstances, death of a loved one, rejection, loss of relationship, we can lose it because we don't feel fulfilled in general. I can't pinpoint any one thing that happened that made me lose passion for life, for God, but I do know it's been several years. It could have been when my oldest son was in the hospital and had to do physical therapy for 9 months afterward. It could have been when I was going through some physical ailments myself, or just any combination of circumstances. I believe my loss of passion was because I was broken hearted. Broken hearted over lost dreams, lost time, physical illnesses, friendships gone awry, and my list could go on and on. Isaiah 61, which was a prophecy of Jesus coming, says that Jesus would come to heal the brokenhearted. He want to heal and restore our broken hearts to a place of passionate love for Him, and desires that we live life passionately through Him.
The real point is that people lose their passion when their focus becomes self-centered rather than God centered. God is the very giver of our passions and desires. Psalm 37:4 - "Delight yourself in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart." I'm exploring God's word more diligently over the past few months than I've done in at least 3 years. My heart is open and ready for Him. For more of His word, more of His love, and definitely more of His passion. What is God passionate about? People! He gave the ultimate sacrifice through His son, Jesus Christ, so that we (People) could be reunited with Him for eternity. Isn't that a beautiful thought? If that's not passion, I don't know what is!
Thank you, Lord, for inspiring passion in me for You, for life, and for love. Thank you for answering years worth of prayers in such a sweet and simple way, and thank you for giving me a word that was so specific and special for me. I praise you, Oh Lord, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I thank you for giving me peace, and certainty that You are in control of "my" story! I love you, Lord!
Amen!
People lose passion for many reasons: stress, depression, life circumstances, death of a loved one, rejection, loss of relationship, we can lose it because we don't feel fulfilled in general. I can't pinpoint any one thing that happened that made me lose passion for life, for God, but I do know it's been several years. It could have been when my oldest son was in the hospital and had to do physical therapy for 9 months afterward. It could have been when I was going through some physical ailments myself, or just any combination of circumstances. I believe my loss of passion was because I was broken hearted. Broken hearted over lost dreams, lost time, physical illnesses, friendships gone awry, and my list could go on and on. Isaiah 61, which was a prophecy of Jesus coming, says that Jesus would come to heal the brokenhearted. He want to heal and restore our broken hearts to a place of passionate love for Him, and desires that we live life passionately through Him.
The real point is that people lose their passion when their focus becomes self-centered rather than God centered. God is the very giver of our passions and desires. Psalm 37:4 - "Delight yourself in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart." I'm exploring God's word more diligently over the past few months than I've done in at least 3 years. My heart is open and ready for Him. For more of His word, more of His love, and definitely more of His passion. What is God passionate about? People! He gave the ultimate sacrifice through His son, Jesus Christ, so that we (People) could be reunited with Him for eternity. Isn't that a beautiful thought? If that's not passion, I don't know what is!
Thank you, Lord, for inspiring passion in me for You, for life, and for love. Thank you for answering years worth of prayers in such a sweet and simple way, and thank you for giving me a word that was so specific and special for me. I praise you, Oh Lord, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I thank you for giving me peace, and certainty that You are in control of "my" story! I love you, Lord!
Amen!
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