Yes, I'll admit that I didn't want to say it out loud, but I knew that God was breaking through in my life. I knew that He wanted to breakthrough for many of us. I've come to a place of brokenness, not out of sheer will, but out of complete surrender. When God starts to show you that you've been living a Pharisee life, it's going to hurt.
It came to a head this weekend when I was telling my husband about how everyone else was doing it wrong, but I had everything right in my own heart and head. I mean, I know the word, so I must know that following the "rules" is what Jesus would have me do. All Todd had to do was to ask a couple of simple questions, and the Holy Spirit pierced my heart and opened my eyes.
About a month ago, out of the blue, I started singing a song I learned at Christian summer camp in 1987. I thought it was called the "goat song". So, I googled it (isn't technology a wonderful thing?), and I found it! I seriously thought that the guy who spoke at our camp was the one who made it up. I put the song in at the bottom of this post. Anyway, as God often does, He started pointing out to me that I was a Pharisee. ME! I know, I was shocked, too. ;)
Really though, being raised in church, I truly believed that even with grace, I needed to follow the rules, listen to other people who follow the rules, and generally look down on people who don't. This has been an Achilles heal for me for a long time. The reality is that I was standing up high, looking at people as though they were below me, as a Pharisee. The Pharisees were full of pride - the look at me, I'm doing it right kind of folk. Sadly, my heart has been full of pride. They were polished on the outside, but dirty on the inside. So I have been.
Sometimes finding out the truth hurts. It reveals the ugly deep within that we try to mask over with pretty words. But, God is so gracious to us. Even though the truth can hurt us, it also sets us free. John 8:32 "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." Jesus is truth and life for us. He sets us free from the sins that enslave us.
It came to a head this weekend when I was telling my husband about how everyone else was doing it wrong, but I had everything right in my own heart and head. I mean, I know the word, so I must know that following the "rules" is what Jesus would have me do. All Todd had to do was to ask a couple of simple questions, and the Holy Spirit pierced my heart and opened my eyes.
About a month ago, out of the blue, I started singing a song I learned at Christian summer camp in 1987. I thought it was called the "goat song". So, I googled it (isn't technology a wonderful thing?), and I found it! I seriously thought that the guy who spoke at our camp was the one who made it up. I put the song in at the bottom of this post. Anyway, as God often does, He started pointing out to me that I was a Pharisee. ME! I know, I was shocked, too. ;)
Really though, being raised in church, I truly believed that even with grace, I needed to follow the rules, listen to other people who follow the rules, and generally look down on people who don't. This has been an Achilles heal for me for a long time. The reality is that I was standing up high, looking at people as though they were below me, as a Pharisee. The Pharisees were full of pride - the look at me, I'm doing it right kind of folk. Sadly, my heart has been full of pride. They were polished on the outside, but dirty on the inside. So I have been.
Sometimes finding out the truth hurts. It reveals the ugly deep within that we try to mask over with pretty words. But, God is so gracious to us. Even though the truth can hurt us, it also sets us free. John 8:32 "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." Jesus is truth and life for us. He sets us free from the sins that enslave us.
God has been faithfully chipping away at some outer layers of my hard heart that I've allowed to grow up and take root. I am a work in progress, and there is MUCH more to what God is doing in me right now. I feel breakthrough around the corner, and I know what has held me back from breaking through earlier has been my hard heart toward the things of God, being full of pride, and believing that I had it all together all while feeling restless and hopeless.
Let me encourage you to pray the prayer I prayed if you feel that God is revealing a Pharisee heart in you. Psalm 51:10-12 "Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from your presence and take not your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit." Thank you for hearing our prayer and restoring us to you, Father! In Jesus Name, Amen!
I'm sure there will be updates to this blog post coming. I have only touched on a tiny part of what God is doing in me, and showing me through his word about having a hard heart, living a pharisee life and following hard after Him.
I can very much relate to this, Chandra, as a recovering Pharisee myself. I'm loving Emily Freeman's book "Grace for the Good Girl" along those lines. Worth a read! Also Tim Keller's "Prodigal God" is another zinger. If you dare ... :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for the recommendations, Heather! A friend of mine recently read "Prodigal God". I think
ReplyDelete"Grace for the Good Girl" is next on my reading list though! ;) I'll do the other once the kids are back in school.
Love this, and love your heart, Chandra. I'm glad God is at work in you and looking forward to our next chance to talk!
ReplyDeleteI'm looking forward to it, Megan! Hope you're having a great visit!
ReplyDelete