He's faithfully good, all the time. I could not say that without firsthand experience and time spent in His presence. Even when life falls apart, He is there with all His goodness, grace and mercy.
I've had to re-learn how to have a relationship with the Lord after years of a yo-yo diet on His word. Sometimes I'd eat of His word, and other times I was spiritually anorexic. I'm still learning to live on His bread, the Word of life.
I was thinking this morning about the time that I decided to tune out. It was after an emotionally charged service. I faithfully went to church 3 or more times a week from my teenage years through my mid-twenties. Then, around age 26, I noticed a marked shift in my home church. It went from really desiring God's presence to desiring to be blessed. Prosperity gospel invaded, and I tuned out.
Let me pause here to say that I believe God's best desire for us is to live blessed in Him. This life clouds our view of what "blessed" is. I question whether it is best to use the money God blesses us with on fancy cars and designer clothes while people in the church go hungry both spiritually and physically. While, I understand the prosperity movement because I experienced it first hand, I don't always agree with everything preached on that subject.
There were a few events that hurt my heart and moved my heart to harden with regard to my relationship with the Lord. I lost a best friend to a treatable disease because she didn't have health insurance. I lost an Aunt that was like a grandmother to me, and I had failed to do what God was moving on me to do before she died. I was in a bad relationship with a Christian guy. And then, I saw my pastor get on the pulpit and the church took up an offering to buy him a new Lexus.
Let me tell you friend, it doesn't take much more than that to harden your heart when you've not spent a great deal of time in the Word on your own. I was good at going to church 3 or more times a week. During my teen years and early twenties, I desired God so much. I wanted Him more than anything. I spent hours poring over His word, studying all that I could.
But, somewhere in my mid-twenties, my priorities got out of order, and then one thing on top of another clouded my view of God. Why would I want to serve a God that asked us to bless our pastors in such a way, but didn't have us provide for the people who needed it most. I know better now after years of studying and getting to know Him better.
Somewhere along the way, I met and married my husband, a good ole Baptist boy from New England. We talked for hours every night before we even met in person. I loved that he had only known the Lord for a couple of years, but he knew more about the bible than I did on most days. He and I married, and though I resisted diving in full-hearted into church, God softened my heart.
I met my friend Julie in a playgroup, and she invited me to join a bible study group that she was going to start through her church. So, I joined, and was so excited to have a community of people like me. Though we were all different in personality and background, our one common core was that we were all broken, sinners in need of Jesus. We needed His love to mend our broken hearts, we needed His grace to redeem broken lives.
There is so much more to this testimony. Isn't that the way it always is? So many little things that would take too long to write. The point is that I believed God, I doubted God, He was there waiting to heal my broken heart, I surrendered, He healed me. I know this is long, and if you've read it all, thank you. I believe every one has an important story to tell.
Let me tell you friend, it doesn't take much more than that to harden your heart when you've not spent a great deal of time in the Word on your own. I was good at going to church 3 or more times a week. During my teen years and early twenties, I desired God so much. I wanted Him more than anything. I spent hours poring over His word, studying all that I could.
But, somewhere in my mid-twenties, my priorities got out of order, and then one thing on top of another clouded my view of God. Why would I want to serve a God that asked us to bless our pastors in such a way, but didn't have us provide for the people who needed it most. I know better now after years of studying and getting to know Him better.
Somewhere along the way, I met and married my husband, a good ole Baptist boy from New England. We talked for hours every night before we even met in person. I loved that he had only known the Lord for a couple of years, but he knew more about the bible than I did on most days. He and I married, and though I resisted diving in full-hearted into church, God softened my heart.
I met my friend Julie in a playgroup, and she invited me to join a bible study group that she was going to start through her church. So, I joined, and was so excited to have a community of people like me. Though we were all different in personality and background, our one common core was that we were all broken, sinners in need of Jesus. We needed His love to mend our broken hearts, we needed His grace to redeem broken lives.
There is so much more to this testimony. Isn't that the way it always is? So many little things that would take too long to write. The point is that I believed God, I doubted God, He was there waiting to heal my broken heart, I surrendered, He healed me. I know this is long, and if you've read it all, thank you. I believe every one has an important story to tell.
