Recently, I asked God why I didn't have a "best" friend like so many of my other friends had/have. Don't get me wrong, I have some good friends, and I have a couple of friends that I've had for over 20 years that I am still close to. But, these are not my "go to" friends. I don't feel I could call them to watch my kids at the last minute, to bring me a meal because I just can't get it together, or that I can confide my every secret to. I've had friends that I instantly thought "this is it!" I've found my bestie! I've had a lot of close friends throughout my life, many who are now just acquaintances. So, before bed earlier this week, I went to sleep thinking of this empty space in my life.
Now, this isn't the first time God has used a dream to speak to me, and I know it won't be the last. But, in my dream that night, I dreamt about the movie "The Runaway Bride". I haven't seen the movie in years, maybe as many as 10 years. But the idea of Maggie, the lead character in the movie, and her inability to make her own decisions clung to my brain as I slept. She would always opt for the way the man in her life would do things instead of having her own opinion or tastes or desires. So, when it came time to commit, she left 4 disappointed, would-be grooms in her wake.
So, as I was sleeping, the thought came to me that I do what Maggie did in that movie. I often CONFORM to what others are doing and saying instead of standing steady in my own principles and values. Then, I pull back when I feel I'm not living as myself, or that I'm not being loved for who I am. Often, feeling like the third wheel. I want to fit in, I want to be liked and loved, and I want to please people. None of these are bad until the desires for those things become greater than the knowledge of who we are in Christ. In Christ, we are redeemed and forgiven. In Christ, we have been set free. In Christ, we are a new creation. In Christ, we have peace. In Christ, we are holy and without blame. In Christ, we am God's workmanship, created for good works. We are a joint heir with Christ!
I have to put aside myself in order to know who I am, and in order to stand for who I am. In this real life, that is often hard to do. I want to compromise to know I am accepted and loved by fickle, ever-changing people. But, this has caused great discomfort in the past few years. The more I desired to be loved and accepted by the beautiful people God put into my life, the further I got from the very God who blessed my life with them. The more I elevated them to the position God is supposed to hold, the more resentful and further away from me they wanted to be. It's a no-win situation. We can't put that kind of pressure on people when they weren't meant to carry the load designed only for God to carry for us. He is our ever lasting friend. He is our hope. Thank God for friends and the wonderful people He adds to us in our journey, but let us be mindful of where we put them in the priority of our lives.
Romans 12:1 & 2 "I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. 2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." God has been highlighting this scripture for me since February 23. I was able to attend a ladies conference and 2 of the speakers spoke of that on separate occasions. It triggered some serious thinking on my part, and for 3 months I have just thought about that scripture. I've been getting it in blog posts, daily devotionals, listening to preaching online, just about everywhere I turn there is a reminder from God. Do not be CONFORMED, be TRANSFORMED.
Father God, I pray that you would help me to be transformed by your word, to keep my eyes fixed on you, and to know that in you, I have all I need. I ask that you keep reminding me of these truths, continue to put people in my life who point me to you, and help me to be a light to those who need to see you in me. Oh God, that I would honor you and bring you glory always. Create in me a clean heart, Oh God, and renew a right spirit within me. Those areas of hurt, of shame, of disappointment, purify those areas with your love, give me a heart that is full of your love, and show me where to pour it out. Help me to walk in forgiveness, remind me of the forgiveness you have given to me over and over. I thank you for your great love for us. Thank you for loving me with an everlasting love. I praise you God! In Jesus Name, Amen!
