Interesting how God works

In my previous post, I wrote about my insecurities.  Not two minutes later, I checked my email and my daily devotion had this article in there:

Freedom From Self by Sarah Phillips
http://www.crosswalk.com/devotionals/crosswalk-devo/freedom-from-self-crosswalk-the-devotional-march-24-2011.html?utm_source=Crosswalk_Daily_Update&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=02/27/2012

I think it pretty much was a note from God, just for me.  :)

A Fish Out Of Water

For nearly a year I have felt like a fish out of water.  Uncomfortable in my own skin, not feeling like I belong anywhere, I have found myself really focused on my walk with the Lord.  Old insecurities have reared their head and continue to do so, even when I feel I have victory over one aspect of it.  This is my open book. 

I'm not fighting depression like I was over the summer, but those insecurities have certainly dealt me a hand this month.  I feel like I am tolerated instead of embraced, and that is at the heart of all my insecurities.  When someone is truly loved, they are sought after and pursued.  I often feel as though I'm not good enough in any circle of my life. 

It feels good to air out my feelings.  I don't feel this way every day, but when I do, I need to vent.  This feels like the safest place to do that without judgement or regret.

What am I giving up - More like what am I gaining?

Before I begin, let me say that I don't really know a lot about the origins or rituals of Lent.  I've been consumed with Lent since the beginning of the year.  I think there is a lot of mystery around it for me since I've never celebrated it, at least not intentionally.  I think I might have said I was giving up cokes for 40 days one year.  Seems silly to me to give up a food or drink.  I think if we are doing something to honor God or in the name of God, then it needs to be more intentional, not just a momentary sacrifice. 

I believe in fasting and prayer as a means of discipline, but to say "I'm giving up ______" for the sake of God would be a dishonor as it goes against everything Jesus died for.  However, to say "I'm seeking more of Him" honors Him AND changes us in the process.  When our heart longs for Him, He gently changes the condition of our heart.  It no longer becomes a sacrifice to "give up" sinful behavior, and it really becomes something that you no longer want.

I like Hebrews 12:1-3 (MSG) Do you see what this means—all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we'd better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we're in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he's there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!

Wow!  Parasitic sins.  I love that version of that verse.  I don't think that eating chocolate is a sin, nor drinking Coke.  However, when it becomes a desire above God, or something that we can't live without, then it starts to take the place of God.  Let us be like Jesus, who never lost sight of where he was headed. 

Lent isn't just a period of "giving up" to show that you can suffer like Christ.  It's really silly to say that I'm suffering like Christ because I'm giving up ______.  He made the ultimate sacrifice that we could never repay, nor come close to sharing in.  Lent is more of a time to GAIN a closer walk with the Lord.  I don't want to remove grace by legalizing a season of reflection on His amazing grace.  This is a time to set aside 40 days to recognize and celebrate the work that God did through Jesus.  I'm grateful that I have this time to be renewed in His word, reflect on His goodness and be refreshed by His grace!

Thank you, Heavenly Father, for you are so good to me.  Thank you for continually leading me and guiding me with your loving hand through the work of the Holy Spirit.  Thank you for the work You did through Jesus in order to win me back to You.  You are a loving God, and I honor You today!  God, let me honor You in all that I do.  Create in me a clean heart during these next 40 days of thoughtful reflection of your mercy and grace.  In Jesus Name, Amen!

40 Days of Renewal

I am so excited about the season of Lent coming up.  I never celebrated this growing up.  To me, it was something only Catholics did.  My mom grew up Catholic, so I knew a little about it, but not much.  Lent is celebrated by a few denominations, including Catholicism and Baptist among others.  Over the past 10 years I have come to view this as an important season before Easter or Resurrection Sunday. 

I was referred to a book entitled "He Restores My Soul" by Jennifer Kennedy Dean.  It is a 40 day devotional.  I am planning to incorporate this book into my renewal time.  I will be fasting during this time as well.  No, I'm not abstaining from food for 40 days, but foods that I feel God is asking me to abstain from.  I can give 40 days when Jesus gave His life for me.  40 days is nothing in comparison. 

I feel like this is a time for renewal of my spirit, soul and body, and that it is a good time to reflect on what God has done in my life and will be doing in the future.  I have things inside that have lay dead and dormant for too many years.  I know God is stirring those dreams up, and in the process stirring me up for more of Him.  Hungry for His word, and His presence.  I'm believing that God will show Himself present in my life during this time and will not only renew me, but restore me! 

Thank you, Lord for your goodness and mercy, which follow me all the days of my life.  Thank you for your grace, which protects and saves me.  I am praying for your presence to be evident in my life and that I will be a reflection of you wherever I go.  I thank you, God for your loving-kindness, which is better than life!  I love you, Lord!