What I Learned from Spongebob

I'm not a big fan of Spongebob.  We let our oldest son start watching it when he was about 3 and a half.  He was quite sick in the hospital, and it was the only thing on the tv that would keep his mind off the IV's and meds shooting through his body.  Much to my dismay, he fell in love with the silly yellow sponge.  During his 8 months of recovery at home, it became a staple in our house, and then just part of regular tv watching.

In all the years of watching Spongebob, I have felt like we've all lost brain cells.  However, I was reminded of a song from one of the Spongebob Christmas specials the other day.  I was getting frustrated while driving, and I can sometimes be that jerky driver.  You can laugh at me.  It's true, I talk to other drivers like they can hear me.  "Just GO, will you?"  Ha!  Well, during one of my "moments", I started singing the song "Don't be a jerk, it's Christmas".  God can literally use anything to remind us of Whose we are, and Who we represent.  

It was an instant mood booster as I remembered that, especially during this season, people are all in a hurry to get places, buy things and be busy.  So, it was a good, silly reminder to be watchful and ready for the opportunity to share His love, and not my frustration.  It's a season to remember Hope, and how Hope came for us, to lead others to Him.  I went into Sam's club a lot less rushed and more relaxed as I thought about that song.  

Wouldn't it be great if we all could take a little lesson from that yellow guy?  Let's not be a jerk, and remember, it's Christmas.  It's the perfect season for us to share the love of Jesus to all we encounter, to show the fruits of the Spirit - can I get a witness for Patience?  Maybe all we need to do is just be the hands and feet of Jesus wherever we are, not just in giving, but in living.  

Will you join me allowing God to use this season to bring us to Hope and to be filled with Hope?  

Bring Back Our Girls

I'm a mom of boys.  I prayed for boys from the time I started desiring a family.  Before I was even married, I would write out boy names that I liked.  But, there is a longing in me for a little girl.  We've talked about the possibility of adopting a little girl some day, but nothing on the horizon.  I've really been wanting a girl lately, and there is no way I'm having another baby.  I think sometimes God puts a longing in you for a reason all His own.  

I can't stop thinking about girls I've never met.  Girls half a world away.  Girls who have been stolen, and possibly put "on the market" for sale.  My heart breaks for them, and it breaks for their mothers.  With our American Mother's Day coming up in a few days, I can only think about how these mother's in Nigeria would give anything to have their girls back.

Tears flow as I begin to pray for the girls, and specifically over one girl named Saraya Samuel.  I pray for the Lord to be near her, where ever she is.  I ask that He would give her wisdom and peace, the peace that passes all understanding to guard her heart and her mind in Christ.  I ask the Holy Spirit to comfort her and calm her while she is away from her family.  I pray that she would be filled with peace and hope would abound in her.  In Jesus' name, amen!

I will continue to lift her up until she is found.  Will you join me in praying for these precious girls?  You can find the names listed here.  These are only 180 of the names.  There are over 230 girls missing.  Pray for the nameless girls, too.  They need to be found safe and delivered back home to their families.  

My tears dry up, and I'm trying to work through the anger I feel about this whole situation.  How evil one person, or group could be.  How they could just rip innocent girls out of school and sell them off like heads of cattle.  It makes me sick that this was not a major news story until this week.  How could this have happened a month ago, and we are just now getting the news?  

But God.  He's so good at reminding me that He is always working.  Even now, in this tragedy, He's working.  He's calling us to prayer, and maybe some of us have laid down our prayer warrior hats.  He's calling us to action, and maybe some of us have given up on working in missions.  Will you commit with me, and a whole lot of other people, to pray for these girls until they are found? 

Faithful and True

It's a quiet Thursday morning.  There is only about a month left of preschool for my youngest, and these quiet Thursday mornings will turn into a symphony of laughter, excitement, and maybe a little yelling.  He's boisterous, that one.  More on him later.  For now, I write.

When I started this blog 3 years ago, I intended it to be a journal of sorts.  I had a few friends who "followed" me, but not many really read it.  So, I felt free to write about everything.  These friends knew my struggles anyway, so it wasn't news to them.  Over time, it has evolved into something I love doing, and though I may not have hundreds of daily readers, I believe God has called me to it.  

I was trying to come up with some catchy title for my blog, but couldn't think of anything.  I ended up with God is always working in us because I thought about the "Experiencing God" bible study that Todd and I did together.  The ONLY bible study we've done together in 12 years of marriage, sadly.  However, in that study, the thing that struck me most was a part that talked about how God is always working in us, and God reminded me of that when I was trying to come up with a name.  

The point of all this is that lately I've been distant from God.  Not really pursuing Him, at the same time believing He is near and has me quiet for a season.  I don't know if the flood gates are about to open, but I do know that He is working in this quiet season.  He is ALWAYS working in us, even when it feels like we are all alone.  When we are on the mountaintop or the valley's, He's right there working in us.

I don't know who came up with this illustration, but I love it!  I mean, I want it plastered on my walls.  See, I grew up believing the opposite was true.  I believed that God's plan was perfect, straight and had no detours.  I believed that my faith was lacking if I went through a trial, and that for some reason, I might even be in sin if I was walking through a valley.  Tell someone who struggles with self-worth, depression and insecurity that they are in sin, and it just exasperates the issue.  

Instead, over the years, God has been so faithful and true to His word.  He loves me through it all.  His grace IS sufficient for me.  There is purpose in our pain, there is purpose in our suffering, and in our race to the finish line, these things produce character and hope in us.

Romans 5:3-4 "Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope"

So, now I can look at a picture like this and see how God has shaped the ups and downs in my life to produce character in me, to give me hope in Him, to know He is continually working on my behalf.  He loves us, friends.  He loves us so much that He has a plan and a purpose for our lives.  He desires to walk with us through the valleys just as much as He is with us in our mountaintop experiences.  Our greatest growth in Him usually takes place in the valley's.  It's through these experiences that He shows His faithfulness in the most intimate ways.

Let me encourage you to find your hope in Him.  I am finding mine in Him.  Let me encourage you, also, that you are not alone.  We all go through ups and downs in life.  Jesus said we would walk through things that wouldn't be fun.  But, we can have confidence that He is faithful to watch over His word and to perform it, and He is the way, truth and life.  He is always faithful and true.  

Do you believe God has a plan for you?  Do you believe you have purpose?  What do you know God has purposed for you to do in life?  

Living Through The Hard Seasons

From the outside looking in, I've got it pretty good.  I have a husband who adores me.  I have two boys who are tenderhearted toward me.  I live in the suburbs, drive a minivan, and I get to be a stay at home mom. 

These are the things I would have given anything for just 15 years ago.  All I wanted was to be married and be a stay at home mom.  I imagined it all.  I dreamed it all.  And now, now it's reality.  And, I struggle.  I struggle with depression and self-worth.  I struggle with comparison and figuring out my place in this crazy world.  I struggle with trusting God completely.    

Here's the thing, friend.  In my moments of struggle, I always know He is working in me, using my mess as a witness.  Even when my vision is clouded over like the morning fog, I know He is there guiding me through it.  In those dark moments when I feel furthest from Him, He is drawing me closer to Him.  

I can almost always attribute the "depression seasons" to times where I have not spent time in worship, in the Word, or in prayer.  All of them are essential in my walk with Him to live more fully.  Though I try to replace those essentials with blogs, books and devotions, they are good and have a place, they can not replace HIM.  They can't take the place of His Word.  

So, here I am two weeks into the new year, and all I can think about is my One Word - LIVE.  I have done anything but that over the past two weeks.  I've found my hiding place, and it's snug and no one else is there.  I can hide away from the rest of the world there.  I have shirked my responsibility in my home.  I've put off doing anything until I can "get myself together".  I'm such a mess.  

The song You Alone Can Rescue by Matt Redman has been on my heart this morning.  I'm hoping in Him, and I'm lifting up my eyes to the giver of life.  I can't LIVE this year without more of Him.  As I sing this praise to Him, I find that life, His life in me, is being restored to me.  Depression leaves as I enter into His presence, and I'm made whole in Him.  

All of my worries and anxieties are put into a bag and laid before His feet.  I will choose to take on His yoke, for it is easy, and light.  In Him, I will find rest for my soul in the midst of unrest, and peace where chaos wants to invade.  

Let me encourage you to do the same.  Do you have areas where you struggle consistently?  Do you find power and release in times of worship, prayer and time in His Word?  Walk with me, friend, and let's dig deep into Him.  Let's find our place in Him together.  If you feel like you are without words to pray, pray this prayer with me.

Thank you, Father, for loving me through my mess, through my brokenness.  Thank you for the wisdom and peace you give to us as we ask you for them.  I ask for wisdom and peace in every area of my life.  I pray that you will continue to guide my steps, and that they are ordered by you.  Father, I thank you that I know your voice, and the voice of a stranger I'll not follow.  To you, alone, belongs the highest praise.  You are the giver of life, and I know that fully, Lord.  Let me find my full life in you alone!  Father, thank you for using each season of my life for your glory.  I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  In Jesus Name, Amen!


I'm linking up with Crystal Stine today over at Behind the Scenes.  Come join us!

A Thankful Heart: For Discouraging Days

You're not good enough.

Your kids aren't well behaved.

Your words are worthless, you're blog will never be read.

You don't amount to much.

Nobody needs you.

Nobody has time for you.

You're not very smart.

Have you ever heard these words, whether verbally or internally?  These are words from the enemy.  They are dream stealers, life deflaters, hope hijackers.  There is so much discouragement in this world, so much that runs through our minds, and much that the enemy is ready to throw into our face.  It's not just these kinds of dialogues that can throw us off our faith-walk, but even every day circumstances.  A parent is hospitalized, a child is going through social issues at school, a spouse needs to have surgery, the car needs to be repaired.  It can be overwhelming.  This is what God promises for those days of discouragement: 

"When the enemy shall come in like a flood, the Spirit of the LORD shall lift up a standard against him."  Isaiah 59:19b (KJV)

The word standard in this verse is translated from the original Hebrew as "put to flight, to drive hastily, to cause to disappear, hide".  The standard that God will raise against our enemy is to drive him out, and cause him to disappear or hide.  I don't know about you, but that gives me hope.  The discouragement that tries to wage war with our hope, our faith in Him, has no ground to stand on.  

Don't let your hope get hijacked by a passing thought that you are not good enough, or that you aren't worth much, or any other lie.  Instead, feast on what God's word says about you.  You are a child of the Most High God!  (1John 3:1)  His word says He thinks about you. (Jeremiah 29:11, Psalm 139:17, Psalm 40:5).  He cares for you. (1 Peter 5:7)  He loves you with an everlasting love.  (Jeremiah 31:3)  He will finish what He's started in you.  (Philippians 1:6, 1Thessalonians 5:24).  Find your promises in Him, find your worth in Him.  Your life will change, I promise.  As those doubts and thoughts try to creep in, you can draw on your reservoir of hope through the faith that you have built up in Him.

Father, I lift up every person going through discouragement and disappointment today.  We will bless you, Lord, with every thought and purpose our hearts to know you more.  We lay down our burdens at your feet, Lord Jesus, and choose to release all the wrongs done toward us, all the frustrations we've brought upon ourselves and give it all over to you.  We choose today to think on things that are true, worthy, honorable, just, pure, lovely and kind.  Whatever has virtue and excellence, Father, we will think on these things because they do not go against what you think of us.  I praise you and thank you for your goodness and mercy that continually follow us!  In Jesus' Name, Amen!

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A Thankful Heart: Hope Does Not Put To Shame

"Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."

Romans 5:3-5 

Heartbreak, illness, disappointment, discouragement are all forms of suffering.  There are so many other ways that people suffer.  The verse today leads us to hope.  Hope is the word of the month for me.  And, it seems as I dive more into realizing how much hope God desires for me, the bigger the battle has become to hold onto it.  Circumstances all around me try to shift my focus off Him, and I've had to really press in to avoid the distractions.  

The promise here is that through these sufferings or hardships, we learn to endure.  The definition of endure is "to remain firm without yielding; to not give in; to bear with patience."  We grow in patience, and learn to stand firm in our faith through hardships that life brings.  I know there are some people who don't believe we will have hardships or suffering in life, but the Word of God is pretty clear on the subject.  

"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”  John 16:33

The truth is that God is not burdening us with suffering.  We live in a fallen world, we make poor choices and deal with the consequences.  Sometimes, it's by the choices of others that we suffer, but God is the giver of life.  I believe He can still do amazing things through the ruins in our lives if we would just yield ourselves to Him.  

Our character is then developed through learning to have patience, and remain firm in our faith without yielding.  Some of the most beautiful women I have ever met in my life were women well into their years that had developed godly character.  They had lived many marvelous years in the Lord where their faith was strengthened, where they endured.  They had character that was beyond the norm.  I loved watching them as they endured hardships, but still gave thanks and loved the Lord with all their heart.  It was from watching them and recalling their stories that I realized that their character produced hope.  Hope that would say this is not your home; you are not of this world.  Hope that would say to them that God loved them deeper still.  This kind of hope is not learned, it's earned.  We can't obtain this hope through reading about it, but experiencing the amazing grace of our precious Lord and Savior.  

Hope does not put us to shame.  Matthew Henry's commentary words it like this:

"it is a hope that will not deceive us. Nothing confounds more than disappointment. Everlasting shame and confusion will be caused by the perishing of the expectation of the wicked, but the hope of the righteous shall be gladness, Prov. 10:28. See Ps. 22:5; 71:1.  It is in a good cause, for a good Master, and in good hope; and therefore we are not ashamed. Because the love of God is shed abroad. This hope will not disappoint us, because it is sealed with the Holy Spirit as a Spirit of love. It is the gracious work of the blessed Spirit to shed abroad the love of God in the hearts of all the saints. Sense of God’s love to us will make us not ashamed, either of our hope in him or our sufferings for him."

Friend, hope is around the corner of your suffering.  Don't despair, He is right there with you in the pits.  He never leaves you, nor forsakes you.  Let me encourage you to study Romans 5, and find the God of hope, the One who wants to fill your cup up with hope again and again.  Your hope in Christ will not put you to shame, but it will redeem you!  

A Thankful Heart: Days 31 & 32 - Encouragement From The Lord

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.  Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you." Jeremiah 29:11-12

This is such a well known verse.  There is so much depth to it, but what I feel like God was showing me last night was that He desires for us to walk in hope.  I was so encouraged last night as I was thinking about how God has been lifting me out of years-long depression and self-pity.  I read a message from someone on twitter about negative thinking being a lack of faith, but the Holy Spirit really spoke to me and this is what I wrote afterward in my journal.  

Negative thinking, gossip, anxiety, depression, etc all generally stem from loss of hope, not lack of faith.  Hope is what keeps our eyes, and our mouths for that matter, out of those dark areas of life.  A person who has their eyes fixed on Jesus is full of hope, even in seemingly hopeless situations.  A person who is full of hope can't walk in depression, the two are polar opposites.  

Tonight, I'm thanking God for the promises in His word to give us hope!  Don't lose your hope!  He has a plan for you, my friend, and His plan gives us a future and a hope.  He hears us when we pray, that promise is given throughout His word, but it is plainly stated in Jeremiah 29:12.  Let us take hope, hold fast to the confession of our faith for He is faithful who promised.  

Do you feel like you have lost hope?  Do you feel that you don't have much of a future to look forward to?  Press in, friend.  God draws close to us as we draw close to Him.  It's not always easy to break unnecessary habits to make time for him.  I am guilty of watching too much tv and using the computer too much to escape instead of diving into His word to get full of life.  That is the best place to build our hope and feel full of His presence.  He desires you, my friend.   

Father, I lift up everyone who feels lost, or without hope.  I thank you for your word, that you have promised to give us a future and a hope.  I pray for peace over those who have no peace, and thank you for the peace that passes all understanding to guard their hearts and their minds in Christ.  I ask that you would cover my friends in peace, and give them a new hope for their lives, a new view of their future, Lord.  I thank you, Father, that you are a very present help in times of trouble, and that you care about every detail in our lives.  You see the broken hearted and are close to them.  I pray that they would feel your presence even now, that they would know you are drawing them in to you.  In Jesus Name, Amen.

A Thankful Heart: Day 4 - When You're Not Feeling Very Lovable

This promise is one I cling to when I'm feeling my best, when I'm feeling in my worst mood, or when I'm feeling unlovable.  Jeremiah 31:3 "The Lord appeared to him from far away.  I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you."  

There are some days that I can't even bring myself to love who I am.  I have qualities that I despise and qualities I wish I could change.  But the promise from my God is that He loves me exactly the way He made me.  In fact, His word reminds me in Psalm 139 that He created me, I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  There is nothing about me that He didn't already know was in me.  My insecurities, my forgetfulness, my thoughts; He knows every single thing that goes on in me.  

I am comforted for His promise that He thinks higher than I do about myself.  Isaiah 55:8-9 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.  For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."  This encourages me because I know how I think about myself, about my future, about my present, but I know God thinks much higher of it than I do.  

I don't have much more to write about this, but I want to encourage you today.  If you are feeling lowly, not worthy, undesirable, or unlovable, you can rest assured that God thinks differently about you than you can think about yourself.  He thinks MUCH higher than you could ever think about yourself.  Give your insecurities, doubts, hopes, dreams, desires and everything else over to Him, and watch Him do more with it than you could ever have done in your own imagination.  

Heavenly Father, I am so thankful for the promises in your word.  That you have loved me with an everlasting love, a love that will never end.  I pray this over myself and anyone who would read this today:  Give us wisdom to see and understand thoughts that come from you, that please you and that lead us closer to you, and wisdom to see and understand all those thoughts that rise up against you and what you've said about us.  We take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.  I praise you, Father, for we are fearfully and wonderfully made.  We are made in your image, Lord, and we know that you created us for a purpose, for such a time as this.  Use us where we are, Lord!  In Jesus Name, Amen!

Promises, promises

I know, two posts in one day?  Crazy, right?  I just happen to have a couple of quiet boys today, so I've been able to think and write.  Thank God for the small things.  

I have been in a bit of a dry spell in every way possible.  Creatively, spiritually, emotionally, etc.  Today, I was looking for a verse to encourage me, and was about to read Romans 8:28 - "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose"

But, instead of focusing on that scripture alone, I read a couple of verses ahead in Romans 8:26 -27 - "Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. 27 And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God."

This was the word of the day for me.  The Holy Spirit helps me in these times of weakness, times where I feel empty and dry.  When I don't know what to pray, when I'm feeling like I'm not worthy to come boldly before the throne of grace, the Holy Spirit is there, interceding according to God's perfect will.  

Let me just encourage you, if you are where I am.  God has not left our side, He will not leave nor forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:6&8).  He loves us with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3).  He goes before us and makes our crooked places straight (Isaiah 45:2).  He is in our midst, rejoices over us with gladness, and quiets us by his love - he exults over us with loud singing. (Zephaniah 3:17).   This is just a tiny sample of the promises in His Word.  2 Corinthians 1:20 - For all the promises of God find their Yes in him. That is why it is through him that we utter our Amen to God for his glory.

Thank you, Father, for your promises.  Thank you for bringing these things to my remembrance, even when I feel weak, distant and dry.  I know that you love me with an everlasting love.  Help me to live like I know that promise.  I say Amen to the promises that you have already said yes to!  In Jesus Name, Amen!

Back to Life

I'm not going to jump and shout that I'm cured of depression and I'll never experience it again, but I will rejoice that I seem to be responding well to medication, exercise and lifestyle changes.  I feel more at rest, no matter what is going on, and my kids are the direct beneficiaries of that!  I also feel more focused, less stressed, and less anxious!  Praise God for His faithfulness and direction!  He has guided me through the storm. 

God has been especially good to me by blessing me with beautiful women who encourage me and have given me some laughter and good memories.  I hope to be saying that 20 years from now about the same beautiful women!  I couldn't ask for a better husband as he has been so gracious toward me, and has given me the time I need to get better and any quiet time I've needed.  He truly loves me "as Christ loves the church".  He is absolutely the BEST!!!! 

I hope to be back on a regular posting schedule soon.  I'm sure once school starts that I'll be posting often.  This is the first time I'll have Luke in school all day, and Jacob will be at MDO 2 days a week!  WOW!  I have lots of hopes for those times, but we will see what I get done.  :)

Perfect

Perfect.  This word has rolled around in my head all day about lots of different subjects.  I don't even know where to begin.  Perhaps the definition of the word would be a good beginning.  Merriam-Webster defines perfect as a : being entirely without fault or defect : flawless <a perfect diamond> b : satisfying all requirements : accurate c : corresponding to an ideal standard or abstract concept <a perfect gentleman> d : faithfully reproducing the original; specifically.

I often think of myself as less than perfect, and I should.  Only God is perfect, and the above definition backs up my claim.  Romans 3:10 says "As it is written, None is righteous, just and truthful and upright and conscientious, no, not one"  I'm sure most people do it, whether realizing it or not, but comparing yourself to those you view as "perfect" can be detrimental to your self-esteem.  I am a chronic comparer.  I have friends that I truly think are as close to perfect as you can get here on earth.  I often feel that I will never measure up to them, never fit in, etc.  I have struggled ever since I can remember with feeling less than perfect for any number of things.  But today, as I thought about the meaning of perfect, and the fact that God is the only perfect One, I also realized that I have to stop measuring myself to my "perfect" friends and measure myself to who I am in Christ. 

I grew up hearing a minister who taught a lot about being "In Christ".  Romans is a great book that teaches a lot about who we are in Christ.  In Christ, I am justified and made righteous.  Romans 5:1   In Christ, I am free from condemnation.  Romans 8:1   In Christ, I am a temple of God.  1 Corinthians 3:16.  There are so many promises in God's word, and when we can fully realize who we are in Christ, we can walk in those promises.  If I put it in terms that I can fully comprehend, if I didn't know who I was in my family (my parents, sister, etc), I would never fully realize their love, understanding, and promises they hold for me.  Romans 8:14-17 "For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. ¹⁵ The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship.  And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” ¹⁶ The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. ¹⁷ Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory."   We are heirs with Christ.  We must know who we are In Christ.  Don't lose sight of your inheritance in Him.  I'm not talking about money, I'm talking about HIM!  He is our inheritance.  He is our hope!  He is PERFECT!  Psalm 18:30 "As for God, His way is perfect"

Though we may not know perfect people here on earth, we can know the One who holds us and directs our lives is perfect, and He will perfect that which concerns us.  Psalm 138:8 - "The LORD will perfect that which concerns me: your mercy, O LORD, endures for ever: forsake not the works of your own hands."  So, I will keep in the forefront of my  mind that I am not perfect, but neither are any of my friends, family, pastors, church, etc.  Praise God!  He will perfect that which concerns me!  His way is perfect!

God works in the quiet times

Our small group took a questionnaire and was asked to answer 10 questions out of 16.  One of the 16 questions, which struck me most, was "Describe a time when you felt closest to God".  I immediately went to that time period on my mind.  I thought about my late teens, and twenties.  I remember experiencing great victories in God, a sincere close relationship with Him.  I remembered many times ministering out with my youth group, young adult camps, and talking about God's word with my closest friends.  The last time I felt that sincere deep relationship with the Lord was around age 26, just before my Aunt Nene died followed by my dearest friend Stephanie.  I think when those events took place, I started to question God.  I didn't fully understand why two people I cared for had to leave this earth to take their place in their heavenly homes.  I still don't.  I don't mourn like many people.  I'm pretty quiet in my tears, and i tend to hold it in.  It's not healthy, I know.  (Getting off track, here)  My point is that 26 seems to be the pivotal point where I started to decline in my relationship with a Holy God.

So, after i answered the question for my encouragement partner, I realized that I haven't allowed myself to be close to God in 10 years!  10 YEARS!!!!  Oh, I've played church, put the smile on, prayed when needed and lifted my hands in worship, but I haven't been sincere about it!  I think if everyone examined their heart, they would probably see that in themselves at some point in their life.  This is not a valley that I plan to stay in.  Even David "the man after God's own heart" went through valleys and ruts.  He questioned.  He agonized.  Yet, he worshipped.  My opinion is that David wrote one of the greatest Psalms ever penned.  Psalm 23.  We will walk THROUGH valleys, but we don't have to set up house there!  I'm looking for a new house on the mountain!  ;)  Praise God!!!  He still loves me!

I don't want to play church anymore.  I want to know Him!  I want to be so intimately acquainted with Him that when people look at me, they see Jesus.  Lord, fill me!  Open my eyes to see where I need to grow, what needs to change in me so that You can work through me!  Make me a holy vessel for your glory!  Show me, God, when I'm wasting time, when I could be increasing in faith.  Teach me, guide me, and direct me!  Set apart for you.

I just know that in the quiet times, I can hear Him better, I can see His hand more clearly, and I can relax and know that HE IS.  He is everything that I am not, and more.  He is everything I need and everything I want.  Thank you Lord for working in my quiet times!  The rest of this blog post is from a note I posted on Facebook several months ago.  I hope you enjoy!

1 The Lord is my shepherd;

I have all that I need.

2 He lets me rest in green meadows;

he leads me beside peaceful streams.

3 He renews my strength.

He guides me along right paths,

bringing honor to his name.

4 Even when I walk

through the darkest valley,

I will not be afraid,

for you are close beside me.

Your rod and your staff

protect and comfort me.

5 You prepare a feast for me

in the presence of my enemies.

You honor me by anointing my head with oil.

My cup overflows with blessings.

6 Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me

all the days of my life,

and I will live in the house of the Lord

forever.

Just had to share this chapter in the Psalm that brings me so much peace! God is an ever-present help in times of need. He is always there, ready to fill us with His peace, strengthen us, comfort us, guide us, protect us, provide for us, and bless our lives! His unfailing love pursues us. Isn't that a beautiful thought? His love chases after us in pursuit of our heart in order to be our all in all, our Savior and Lord. He desires to be our everything and doesn't give up (unfailing love). WOW! I love how He loves me! Reminds me of the song we used to sing in Sunday School when I was really young:

Oh, how I love Jesus. Oh, how I love Jesus.

Oh, how I love Jesus, because He first loved me!

That's not the full version of the song, only the chorus, but it's the part I love. I found this old hymn tonight, and it's just beautiful, so thought I'd share:

Love Song (a hymn)

In holiness brilliant, in righteousness bright,

Yet sweet in compassion with touch soft and light,

My Father in ravishing love now draws nigh,

To cherish my soul as the gem of His eye.

His covenant promise, His mighty right arm,

Embrace me securely and keep me from harm.

His faithful, longsuffering, infinite grace

Will bring me home safe, where He’ll show me His face.

Till then, my days pass in the palm of His hand;

His Word whispers comfort in every command.

His Promise sustains me; my triumph is won:

My mansion is bought with the blood of His Son.

The work of His Spirit goes on in my heart,

Restoring His image within by His art,

His workmanship Godlike, His skill so divine,

His voice speaks within me: “Be still, and be Mine.”

Though dark be the valley, though steep be the hill,

My comfort, my refuge, is my Father’s will!

His sweet, soft compassion will fit me aright

For holiness brilliant and righteousness bright.