Living Through The Hard Seasons

From the outside looking in, I've got it pretty good.  I have a husband who adores me.  I have two boys who are tenderhearted toward me.  I live in the suburbs, drive a minivan, and I get to be a stay at home mom. 

These are the things I would have given anything for just 15 years ago.  All I wanted was to be married and be a stay at home mom.  I imagined it all.  I dreamed it all.  And now, now it's reality.  And, I struggle.  I struggle with depression and self-worth.  I struggle with comparison and figuring out my place in this crazy world.  I struggle with trusting God completely.    

Here's the thing, friend.  In my moments of struggle, I always know He is working in me, using my mess as a witness.  Even when my vision is clouded over like the morning fog, I know He is there guiding me through it.  In those dark moments when I feel furthest from Him, He is drawing me closer to Him.  

I can almost always attribute the "depression seasons" to times where I have not spent time in worship, in the Word, or in prayer.  All of them are essential in my walk with Him to live more fully.  Though I try to replace those essentials with blogs, books and devotions, they are good and have a place, they can not replace HIM.  They can't take the place of His Word.  

So, here I am two weeks into the new year, and all I can think about is my One Word - LIVE.  I have done anything but that over the past two weeks.  I've found my hiding place, and it's snug and no one else is there.  I can hide away from the rest of the world there.  I have shirked my responsibility in my home.  I've put off doing anything until I can "get myself together".  I'm such a mess.  

The song You Alone Can Rescue by Matt Redman has been on my heart this morning.  I'm hoping in Him, and I'm lifting up my eyes to the giver of life.  I can't LIVE this year without more of Him.  As I sing this praise to Him, I find that life, His life in me, is being restored to me.  Depression leaves as I enter into His presence, and I'm made whole in Him.  

All of my worries and anxieties are put into a bag and laid before His feet.  I will choose to take on His yoke, for it is easy, and light.  In Him, I will find rest for my soul in the midst of unrest, and peace where chaos wants to invade.  

Let me encourage you to do the same.  Do you have areas where you struggle consistently?  Do you find power and release in times of worship, prayer and time in His Word?  Walk with me, friend, and let's dig deep into Him.  Let's find our place in Him together.  If you feel like you are without words to pray, pray this prayer with me.

Thank you, Father, for loving me through my mess, through my brokenness.  Thank you for the wisdom and peace you give to us as we ask you for them.  I ask for wisdom and peace in every area of my life.  I pray that you will continue to guide my steps, and that they are ordered by you.  Father, I thank you that I know your voice, and the voice of a stranger I'll not follow.  To you, alone, belongs the highest praise.  You are the giver of life, and I know that fully, Lord.  Let me find my full life in you alone!  Father, thank you for using each season of my life for your glory.  I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  In Jesus Name, Amen!


I'm linking up with Crystal Stine today over at Behind the Scenes.  Come join us!

A Thankful Heart: Day 29 - Pressing In

There are days that I would rather hide under my covers than to do anything else.  On those days, such as today, I have to press through and press in to God.  I made a choice today that while my kids were at school, I would turn up my worship music as loud as I could and fill the house with worship to my loving Father.  It's not always easy to do this, but that's why it is the "sacrifice of praise" that pleases God.  

Hebrews 13:15 "Through him then let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that acknowledge his name."

If you are feeling down or lonely or moody or whatever, let me invite you to open God's word, have a seat for a while and enter into His presence.  Set the mood in your home, in your heart to welcome Him in like you would a good friend.  Let His presence take over whatever may be on your mind bringing you down, let His great love for you flood your heart as you sit with Him for a moment.  I can attest that it will change the direction of your day. 

Be encouraged, friend.  God sees, He knows, and He understands whatever you are going through.  He loves you with an everlasting love and longs to show you His great love for you.  Press in.  Here is some encouragement to do just that:

Philippians 3:12-16 "Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. 13 Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. 15 Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you. 16 Only let us hold true to what we have attained."

Praise God!  He wants to reveal to us things about our future.  Let's press in to Him, toward the goal set before us, to lead people to Him.  Let's take our eyes off ourselves and look to Him, who gives us all hope.  

Father, we look to you today.  You are our future, our hope, our everything.  We love you and honor you today.  Thank you for loving us through our weaknesses, for giving us the tools we need to live fully for you.  Father, we make a choice to press in today, to seek you with our whole hearts.  We invite you in to our living room, our bedroom, our workplace, wherever we are, you are welcome.  Open our eyes, God, to know you more, to come to a deeper understanding of your love for us.  Help us to take our eyes off ourselves and put them squarely on you, God.  Thank you for setting us free from the things that easily get us off track!  We bring the sacrifice of praise to you, today, Lord!  Praise you, Father God!  In Jesus Name, Amen!

A Thankful Heart: Day 10 - An Explosion of Faith

Joining the Five Minute Friday group again over at Lisa Jo Baker's place.  Won't you go visit her five minute friday page and link up with us?  Today's word prompt is Worship.

In 2003, I wrote in my journal about some things Todd and I were going through.  We made a quick move to Texas from Massachusetts, without jobs lined up.  We had a miscarriage two weeks after we moved here.  Our furniture and belongings took 3 weeks to get to us.  It took us 3 months and 6 months to find jobs.  We spent the little savings we had.  I could go on, but I think you get the idea.  It was just a series of events, one after another.  At the end of the page, I wrote this:

"When God's mercy collides with our worship, there is an explosion of faith that happens on the inside of us."

God's mercy is always available to us.  Mercy is, by definition, undeserved forgiveness.  We can receive God's mercy at any time.  We just have to "receive" it.  Many people go their whole lives never really receiving His great mercy.  

The other part of this statement is "our worship".  The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines worship as "extravagant respect or admiration for or devotion to an object of esteem". Extravagant respect or admiration.  Wow!  How extravagant is your admiration of our Holy God?  I ask that to myself, too.  What can I do to celebrate, to worship my Savior, my God?  

Those of us who have walked with God for a long time know that our faith can be sure-footed and firmly rooted in Him, but our feelings might ebb and flow from time to time.  But, we can have an explosion of faith in us that will take our lives by storm if we will allow ourselves to worship unhindered, whole-heartedly and with complete extravagance for our mighty God.

I'll end with this C.S. Lewis quote "It is in the process of being worshipped that God communicates His presence to men."  

Spend some time today worshiping Him, committing your life to Him and being thankful for His presence in your life.  He wants to communicate with you today.

End.

God works in the quiet times

Our small group took a questionnaire and was asked to answer 10 questions out of 16.  One of the 16 questions, which struck me most, was "Describe a time when you felt closest to God".  I immediately went to that time period on my mind.  I thought about my late teens, and twenties.  I remember experiencing great victories in God, a sincere close relationship with Him.  I remembered many times ministering out with my youth group, young adult camps, and talking about God's word with my closest friends.  The last time I felt that sincere deep relationship with the Lord was around age 26, just before my Aunt Nene died followed by my dearest friend Stephanie.  I think when those events took place, I started to question God.  I didn't fully understand why two people I cared for had to leave this earth to take their place in their heavenly homes.  I still don't.  I don't mourn like many people.  I'm pretty quiet in my tears, and i tend to hold it in.  It's not healthy, I know.  (Getting off track, here)  My point is that 26 seems to be the pivotal point where I started to decline in my relationship with a Holy God.

So, after i answered the question for my encouragement partner, I realized that I haven't allowed myself to be close to God in 10 years!  10 YEARS!!!!  Oh, I've played church, put the smile on, prayed when needed and lifted my hands in worship, but I haven't been sincere about it!  I think if everyone examined their heart, they would probably see that in themselves at some point in their life.  This is not a valley that I plan to stay in.  Even David "the man after God's own heart" went through valleys and ruts.  He questioned.  He agonized.  Yet, he worshipped.  My opinion is that David wrote one of the greatest Psalms ever penned.  Psalm 23.  We will walk THROUGH valleys, but we don't have to set up house there!  I'm looking for a new house on the mountain!  ;)  Praise God!!!  He still loves me!

I don't want to play church anymore.  I want to know Him!  I want to be so intimately acquainted with Him that when people look at me, they see Jesus.  Lord, fill me!  Open my eyes to see where I need to grow, what needs to change in me so that You can work through me!  Make me a holy vessel for your glory!  Show me, God, when I'm wasting time, when I could be increasing in faith.  Teach me, guide me, and direct me!  Set apart for you.

I just know that in the quiet times, I can hear Him better, I can see His hand more clearly, and I can relax and know that HE IS.  He is everything that I am not, and more.  He is everything I need and everything I want.  Thank you Lord for working in my quiet times!  The rest of this blog post is from a note I posted on Facebook several months ago.  I hope you enjoy!

1 The Lord is my shepherd;

I have all that I need.

2 He lets me rest in green meadows;

he leads me beside peaceful streams.

3 He renews my strength.

He guides me along right paths,

bringing honor to his name.

4 Even when I walk

through the darkest valley,

I will not be afraid,

for you are close beside me.

Your rod and your staff

protect and comfort me.

5 You prepare a feast for me

in the presence of my enemies.

You honor me by anointing my head with oil.

My cup overflows with blessings.

6 Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me

all the days of my life,

and I will live in the house of the Lord

forever.

Just had to share this chapter in the Psalm that brings me so much peace! God is an ever-present help in times of need. He is always there, ready to fill us with His peace, strengthen us, comfort us, guide us, protect us, provide for us, and bless our lives! His unfailing love pursues us. Isn't that a beautiful thought? His love chases after us in pursuit of our heart in order to be our all in all, our Savior and Lord. He desires to be our everything and doesn't give up (unfailing love). WOW! I love how He loves me! Reminds me of the song we used to sing in Sunday School when I was really young:

Oh, how I love Jesus. Oh, how I love Jesus.

Oh, how I love Jesus, because He first loved me!

That's not the full version of the song, only the chorus, but it's the part I love. I found this old hymn tonight, and it's just beautiful, so thought I'd share:

Love Song (a hymn)

In holiness brilliant, in righteousness bright,

Yet sweet in compassion with touch soft and light,

My Father in ravishing love now draws nigh,

To cherish my soul as the gem of His eye.

His covenant promise, His mighty right arm,

Embrace me securely and keep me from harm.

His faithful, longsuffering, infinite grace

Will bring me home safe, where He’ll show me His face.

Till then, my days pass in the palm of His hand;

His Word whispers comfort in every command.

His Promise sustains me; my triumph is won:

My mansion is bought with the blood of His Son.

The work of His Spirit goes on in my heart,

Restoring His image within by His art,

His workmanship Godlike, His skill so divine,

His voice speaks within me: “Be still, and be Mine.”

Though dark be the valley, though steep be the hill,

My comfort, my refuge, is my Father’s will!

His sweet, soft compassion will fit me aright

For holiness brilliant and righteousness bright.