Random Thoughts

My plan was to not write for the rest of the year.  I was taking a December break to focus attention on my loved ones and not on writing, tweeting, facebooking, etc.  But, this has also been a very unusual month for my family.  Honestly, I just have too much on my mind to not write.  I wrote in my journal next to my bed last night, and it felt so good to write.  I just need to pour out the stuff in my head.

This month.  This month has been hard.  My father-in-law passed away and it was heart breaking.  It was heartbreaking for me because I really loved him.  He was a good guy, and loved his family, even if he didn't say it enough as he alluded the day before he passed.  It was heartbreaking because my husband was hurting.  He felt robbed of having as much time as his siblings had with his dad.  His closest sibling (in age) is 8 years older than he is.  It was heartbreaking because my kids had so many questions about life after death, and we just really didn't know how to answer them with regard to my father-in-law.  My father-in-law never made a confession of faith in front of us, though there are signs that he might have done so just a couple days before he passed away.

My mom was in and out of town, and sick as a dog each trip.  The second trip, just before our family Christmas, she was diagnosed with the flu.  I felt bad that she couldn't enjoy Christmas as much as I know she wanted to.  On top of that, I just wasn't feeling the Christmas spirit, but trying so hard to make it special for my boys.  They are growing so fast, and I never know how much longer they will enjoy the "magic" of it all.

My dad's birthday is the day after Christmas.  This year, it also happened to be the day that his sister passed away.  My dad is 24 years younger than his sister, so it wasn't completely unexpected, though it happened on his birthday.  She was a lovely lady, even to the end.  As a child, she would always have cake, cookies, chips and soda ready for us whenever we'd stop by, even if it was unannounced, an ever-ready hostess.  The pastor at her service today said "She found her calling and was committed to it to the end.  She served her family well."  I would say, as her niece, this is one of the most true statements I've ever heard.  She had a servants heart, and would most definitely give her last penny to help another if she needed to.  

And, this is a totally different subject, but it's been burning in me since I saw it.  We saw "Frozen" a couple of weeks ago with the kids.  My boys had no idea it was a princess movie, and quite frankly neither did I.  The previews made it look like it was about the snowman, though I read somewhere it was based on Hans Christian Andersen's story "The Snow Queen".  Needless to say, I was delighted, and surprised to find my boys delighted, too.

The thing about the story is that it reminded me so much of Christ's love for us.  He pursues us, even in our frozen heart stages.  There was so much redemption in this story, but I especially loved how Princess Anna sacrificed her life for her sister.  It was true love that saved her sister, and true love that, in return, saved her.  It reminded me of how Jesus sacrificed himself on the cross for us, to save us, to redeem us.  And, how He can take our hardened heart and melt away the ice to give us a heart of love.  Ah, there was just so much about this movie that I loved.

Finally, I have narrowed down my One Word.  These three words have been on my heart, but I can really only choose one for the year.  Actually, I think they can all be related.  These are the 3 that were most present in my prayer time over this word:

Intentional - because I believe God wants me to be more intentional in my life, in every area.  I believe He wants me to be intentional about my friendships, my family, my relationship with Him, my church activities, my health and well-being, my writing, everything.

Believe - because I just finished Beth Moore's "Believing God" study, and I believe God wants me to trust Him more, believe His word more.  I need to be so rooted in Him that nothing shakes my faith.  Firm foundation believing.

Live - because the Lord keeps bringing up Ezekiel 37:1-14 to my remembrance.  Prophesy to those dry bones, the breath of God wants to come in you and breathe you to life!  So many dreams and life I've let pass by and die by the wayside because of insecurities or unbelief, and God is saying to me now - LIVE!  

I believe LIVE is the word for me this year.  There is so much to that, and I know God is working in me to live life fully, to be intentional and believe in my living.  I don't think it is any accident that believing and intentional were also on my mind.  I truly believe they were intended to help me "live" with purpose, on purpose.  

If you're still reading, thank you.  I know your time is precious, and this post was long and random.  I appreciate you listening, and letting me clear my head of all these thoughts.  Looking forward to sharing 2014 with you all!