I love each of the seasons for different reasons. Fall is a wonderful time of harvest celebrations, pumpkin patches, school starting and my favorite holiday, Thanksgiving. Spring is a time of new life, fresh beginnings, flowers, perfect sunny days and celebrating the resurrection of Christ Jesus. Summer is filled with long, lazy days, fun activities, cookouts, playing in the sun and water, and feeling patriotic on the 4th of July. Winter is a time to huddle in with family and friends, dress in warm comfy clothes, baking and eating soups and treats and the celebration of the birth of Jesus. I love each season for different reasons.
Today I was thinking that I just couldn't wait until the fall. I often find that I'm waiting for the next season to get here, no matter what season we are in. When it is cold outside, I can't wait for summer. When it is hot outside, I'm ready for fall and winter. I find that I'm doing that with my "life seasons", too. When I was single, I couldn't wait to get married. When I got married, I couldn't wait to have kids. When my kids were born, I couldn't wait for them to talk, walk and be little people. Now, I am seeing this and wondering, "am I wishing my life away"? I want to enjoy each season for what it is, both "life seasons" and "natural seasons".
Lord, please don't let me waste my time longing for the next phase. Help me to appreciate and enjoy the season I'm in, no matter what season it may be. Help me to not look back at past seasons longing for aspects of those seasons, but to be content and fully present in the season I'm in. Thank you, God, for giving me peace and an understanding of who You are through your natural cycle in our world. You are good, God! Thank you for keeping me in check!
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
God is faithful
God is so faithful! I have been struggling with depression for months, although the reality is that it's probably been years. However, it reached a breaking point during this summer. I couldn't even function in my home, not making dinner (other than hot dogs, chicken nuggets, etc), not washing clothes, etc. It was becoming increasingly difficult to even get out of bed in the mornings, and having to force myself to stay awake during the day. I'd often find myself nodding off on the couch while the kids played only to be awakened by a loud crashing noise of some sort. I have been moody, snippy, and downright horrible to my sweet, loving boys. They have bore the brunt of my anger and unhappiness. I'm thankful for a loving, patient husband who has endured and prayed for me. I've been less than pleasant to live with, I'm sure.
But God. God is so good. I know there will always be times when I need to get myself in check, and I'm still in the process of healing. I don't think it's an overnight thing, but I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I have started working out again to release natural endorphins. The first day after my first workout, Todd said he could see a twinkle in my eye. That meant the world to me! I'm making time for girlfriends, and establishing closer bonds with girls I admire and love. I'm taking a deep breath before dealing with my kids. I'm catching up with old friends who mean a lot to me. I'm just taking a lot of natural steps to healing. I'll be seeing my doctor in a couple of weeks to discuss starting other options. I had a ton of blood work done in the spring to figure out why I was having certain physical symptoms. A dear friend told me that there is some release in speaking about what's going on, that it give the offender less control over you. Since I've been talking to my closest girlfriends and husband about this, I have felt a release and depression does not have the same hold on me as it did before. I know I'm on the road to recovery, but I know I have to work at this and not be complacent about it. I am truly grateful and thankful for those friends who I have confided in, who have taken the time to talk to me about their stories, and who have prayed for me. God is so faithful! He meets us right where we are!
But God. God is so good. I know there will always be times when I need to get myself in check, and I'm still in the process of healing. I don't think it's an overnight thing, but I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I have started working out again to release natural endorphins. The first day after my first workout, Todd said he could see a twinkle in my eye. That meant the world to me! I'm making time for girlfriends, and establishing closer bonds with girls I admire and love. I'm taking a deep breath before dealing with my kids. I'm catching up with old friends who mean a lot to me. I'm just taking a lot of natural steps to healing. I'll be seeing my doctor in a couple of weeks to discuss starting other options. I had a ton of blood work done in the spring to figure out why I was having certain physical symptoms. A dear friend told me that there is some release in speaking about what's going on, that it give the offender less control over you. Since I've been talking to my closest girlfriends and husband about this, I have felt a release and depression does not have the same hold on me as it did before. I know I'm on the road to recovery, but I know I have to work at this and not be complacent about it. I am truly grateful and thankful for those friends who I have confided in, who have taken the time to talk to me about their stories, and who have prayed for me. God is so faithful! He meets us right where we are!
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