A Thankful Heart: Reflect, for Dad

This is the first time I've had to sit and write for a week.  Prior to the past week, I was taking a short sabbatical.  My father-in-law lay in a hospital bed 2000 miles away slowly dying of an untreatable heart ailment.  This time of the year, I prefer not to write as much anyway.

However, I find it perfectly fitting that God would inspire the five minute Friday word prompt to be Reflect.  I am linking up over at Lisa Jo Baker's for Five Minute Friday - about 5 days late.  

I've spent the past 6 days reflecting with the passing of my father-in-law.  His impact on me.  His impact on my husband.  My children, my mother-in-law.  The whole family.  Each one of us had a different relationship with him.  Each one of us loved him.  

The thing that struck me most at the wake and his funeral was the number of people who came to pay respect to a wonderful man.  He was a CPA, so I was really in awe at the people who were clients who came in.  What kind of man was this that your tax client would come to see you when you die?  I think that said a lot about his integrity.

Then there were people who had known him for 30 years through the Wequaquet Lake Yacht Club where he once served as Commodor.  This was the place where he won sunfish sailboat races, where he spent hours developing bonds.  This place was where he taught his son, my husband, how to race as well.  I think this said so much about his character, his love for others.

There were others who knew him from childhood or other organizations.  And then, there was family.  He was a husband, a father, a grandfather, a great-grandfather, brother and uncle.  He meant a great deal to each of us.  He imparted so much wisdom to us.  

My personal love for him was one born in great respect.  He worked hard for what he had.  He loved to travel.  He knew a lot about a lot of things, and was rich with wisdom.  Much of that was probably earned over time and experience, but I enjoyed listening to him.  I admired him, and I'm not sure he ever really knew how much I did.

Each year at tax time, we had a question, and we always knew Dad would have the answer.  It's what he did for a living, but for us, it's what he did out of love.  He was always generous to us with his time, his expertise, and in every way he possibly could be.  

I am rejoicing over his life and the impact he made on his wife and on each one of his 5 children, spouses and grandchildren.  I grieve over our loss and how much he will be missed.  We will miss you, Dad.  

A Thankful Heart: For Luke

It's Five Minute Friday time!  Please join us at Lisa-Jo Baker's for the link up.  The word prompt today is "Fly".  

Go.

For my sweet Luke.  

Never forget that you were born to fly.  You were born with a destiny deep inside of you.  Above all else, God desires you.  He desires to give you wings to soar.

When the world wants to give you a label, I pray that you will rise up above that label and soar.  I pray that you will fly beyond your wildest hopes and dreams.  

When discouragement sets in, I pray that you will fly above your critics and rest in God's truth about you.  

When you feel stuck in a rut, dig your feet in, spread your wings and fly.  Fly with the wind and you will soar.  

Remember the day we walked around Poppa and Nana's property and this bird followed us.  He swooped down and flew straight back into the blue sky.  He was confident, secure, sure of where he belonged.  Remember that bird when you need to remember that you are confident, secure and sure of where you belong, my love.  You belong.  You are valued.

I am teaching you now to have wings so that one day, you will soar.

“The reason birds can fly and we can't is simply because they have perfect faith, for to have faith is to have wings.”  J.M. Barrie, The Little White Bird

Stop.

A Thankful Heart: Growing In Him

I asked my friend, Lisa, to write up a post for me.  She brilliantly came up with this beautiful post.  Let's ask, seek and knock together.

By: Lisa Drever

If you know me, then you know I don't have a green thumb. I'm not the best at consistently watering plants and I'm kind of a wimp when it comes to actually planting things. Lucky for me spiritual growth is something completely different! Don't get me wrong, spiritual growth and the growth of a plant do have several similarities.  God can take a tiny seed and grow a huge tree. When we forget to "water" our spiritual selves, we get sickly.  Sometimes we need to trim back our spiritual selves to make core branches stronger.  Some plants have beautiful blooms, some fruit, some have tall trunks with strong branches, some are small, prickly cactus; but they are all beautiful, and they are each the plant God created them to be.  The most important similarity is that plants, like our spiritual selves are always changing.  

How do we foster spiritual growth?  In Matthew 7:7-8, Jesus tells us: 7 Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened.  Jesus is talking to his disciples specifically about persistent prayer. To me it is also a beautiful guide to three components of spiritual growth. 

Ask

Asking is the most basic part of spiritual growth but it is still the most important part.  Asking is telling God we desire Him and want our life to be His. It is the first step in starting a relationship with Christ. We ask through our prayers. We can ask God for many things, forgiveness, guidance, assistance, encouragement, hope, safety, and security. But it is important to notice that we ask God. We don't tell God our plans and needs like we might to our spouse. We ask, we beg, we humbly beseech. God grants us many blessings whether or not we ask for them. However, we can not truly be called His until we ask that it be so. A great way to start or restart spiritual growth is to ask for it. When we ask God we must truly desire it. Asking requires very little action on our part but can have the most amazing results. God knows we aren't perfect; he made us that way. He delights when we acknowledge our dependence on and need for Him.  Ask. God wants you to.

Seek

Seeking is the next step in spiritual growth. When you seek, you take some action in growing closer to God. This includes, reading the Bible, going to church, having fellowship with other Christians, doing something that helps you to learn more about God. Seeking also includes making changes to put God at the center of your life.  It might mean replacing time shopping on the internet with time learning about Christ on the internet, or even just praying. Some people may seek before they ask.  The order isn't important but it is not enough to seek without asking or ask without seeking both are needed for spiritual growth.

Knock

To me, knocking is the hardest, yet can be the most dramatic and rewarding component of spiritual growth.  Knocking is placing yourself on the God's doorstep and asking to be let into His kingdom. It requires complete faith in Christ. It requires giving your life, your obedience and service to Christ. It means putting yourself out there. Yes there. Outside your comfort zone. outside of your bubble. It means giving God control.  Knocking is an action. You can't want to knock, or pray to knock, you have to do it. Knocking can mean (sometimes radical) changes to your lifestyle, sharing Christ with non-believers, serving fellow sinners, and more. Not everyone can go on Mission Trips, but you can ask for God to show you and seek out opportunities to knock. He will answer and he provides His Holy Spirit to empower you to do anything.

The best part about spiritual growth is, that Christ says when we ask, seek, and knock God WILL answer. It may not be the answer you think, but it is the answer you need.  Christ also says we must do all three. It is not enough to merely ask, to seek, or to knock. All three are required.  We can not be content to ask and take no action. We must seek to guide our judgment. We can not knock without knowing where the door is.  God knows we aren't perfect. God knows we have times of growth and times of neglecting our growth. His answer is persistent reliance on Him for that growth. He didn't say try, try harder, and try some more; or read the bible, go to church, quit sinning give away your possessions and work in a a soup kitchen, and then you are worthy. He says ask God, seek God, knock on the door to God. In short, RELY on God for your spiritual growth and it will be given to you abundantly.  

Dear God, I thank you for opportunities to grow as a follower of your son, Jesus Christ. You plant a seed I each of our hearts. By leading us to ask, seek, and knock you nourish our growth. We do not deserve to receive your love, but when we ask for it, it is there. When we seek to know you more, you reveal your truths, when we knock at your door as your obedient servant, you open it. We praise you in the name of your son, Jesus Christ. 

A Thankful Heart: At the Sunset

Sunset at Offats Bayou, Galveston, TX

I turned 40 in August.  It wasn't as traumatic as I thought it would be.  Maybe it was because I was actually looking forward to making my 40's better than my crazy 30's.  A new decade,  a new promise, a new hope.  

Birthday plans fell apart at the last minute, but sometimes that makes for the best kind of birthday.  My husband and I enjoyed a kid-free night doing things we don't normally get to do.  He got me an amazing camera for my birthday, so we drove down to Galveston to play with it.  

This sunset is one of the first pictures I took there.  It reminds me of God's goodness.  It also made me think of being middle aged and the sunset in years.  While I'm not old or at the end of my years, it seems so much more real to me that time has flown by.  That my first 40 years were a whirlwind, even when it seemed time was dragging by in that 11th grade Algebra class.  

I look back and see God's faithfulness.  His love and mercy on me.  I look forward and hope for many more years serving Him here.  Watching my children grow into men of God, men of character.  Watching my hands wrinkle alongside my husband who has faithfully loved me when I've least deserved it.  

This sunset burns bright over the water.  I want to burn bright in the second half of my life.  Brighter than the noonday sun.  Lord, may you bright in me.  

Linking up for the first time with Crystal Stine for Behind the Scenes.  

"Behind the Scenes" is a fun link up where we show those photos - but tell the real story behind them. The sneak peek behind the scenes, a look past the edges of the photo to the real life behind it. 

You're invited to join in - we'll write up our posts & link up on Tuesdays!

IT’S EASY TO JOIN:

1. Choose a photo
2. Write the "Behind the Scenes" story
3. Link over here and invite friends to join in (use the blog button below to link back!)

LINK UP TIPS:

• Select the link to your actual post, not just your generic blog address 
• Using the blue linky tool at the bottom of each post to enter your link
• Choose a photo (hint: I personally happen to be more likely to visit your post if you choose a photo of yourself, not a blog button)
• Your post will show up in the "Behind the Scenes" linky
• Be sure and visit the person who linked up before you & leave some blog comment love!

A Thankful Heart: God is Good

He's faithfully good, all the time.  I could not say that without firsthand experience and time spent in His presence.  Even when life falls apart, He is there with all His goodness, grace and mercy. 

I've had to re-learn how to have a relationship with the Lord after years of a yo-yo diet on His word.  Sometimes I'd eat of His word, and other times I was spiritually anorexic.  I'm still learning to live on His bread, the Word of life.  

I was thinking this morning about the time that I decided to tune out.  It was after an emotionally charged service.  I faithfully went to church 3 or more times a week from my teenage years through my mid-twenties.  Then, around age 26, I noticed a marked shift in my home church.  It went from really desiring God's presence to desiring to be blessed.  Prosperity gospel invaded, and I tuned out.

Let me pause here to say that I believe God's best desire for us is to live blessed in Him.  This life clouds our view of what "blessed" is.  I question whether it is best to use the money God blesses us with on fancy cars and designer clothes while people in the church go hungry both spiritually and physically.  While, I understand the prosperity movement because I experienced it first hand, I don't always agree with everything preached on that subject.  

There were a few events that hurt my heart and moved my heart to harden with regard to my relationship with the Lord.  I lost a best friend to a treatable disease because she didn't have health insurance.  I lost an Aunt that was like a grandmother to me, and I had failed to do what God was moving on me to do before she died.  I was in a bad relationship with a Christian guy.  And then, I saw my pastor get on the pulpit and the church took up an offering to buy him a new Lexus.  

Let me tell you friend, it doesn't take much more than that to harden your heart when you've not spent a great deal of time in the Word on your own.  I was good at going to church 3 or more times a week.  During my teen years and early twenties, I desired God so much.  I wanted Him more than anything.  I spent hours poring over His word, studying all that I could.  

But, somewhere in my mid-twenties, my priorities got out of order, and then one thing on top of another clouded my view of God.  Why would I want to serve a God that asked us to bless our pastors in such a way, but didn't have us provide for the people who needed it most.  I know better now after years of studying and getting to know Him better. 

Somewhere along the way, I met and married my husband, a good ole Baptist boy from New England.  We talked for hours every night before we even met in person.  I loved that he had only known the Lord for a couple of years, but he knew more about the bible than I did on most days.  He and I married, and though I resisted diving in full-hearted into church, God softened my heart.  

I met my friend Julie in a playgroup, and she invited me to join a bible study group that she was going to start through her church.  So, I joined, and was so excited to have a community of people like me.  Though we were all different in personality and background, our one common core was that we were all broken, sinners in need of Jesus.  We needed His love to mend our broken hearts, we needed His grace to redeem broken lives.  

There is so much more to this testimony.  Isn't that the way it always is?  So many little things that would take too long to write.  The point is that I believed God, I doubted God, He was there waiting to heal my broken heart, I surrendered, He healed me.  I know this is long, and if you've read it all, thank you.  I believe every one has an important story to tell.  

A Thankful Heart: Remembering to THINK

Can you believe she wore that?  

I heard...about her.  

A friend of a friend of a friend told me...  

Did you know they...?

I really don't like this person because...

"Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips!"  Psalm 141:3

Has something ever slipped out of your mouth without passing through the logic in your brain first?  I can't tell you how many times I've wished I could hit rewind and delete on words that have flowed out of my mouth.  Careless words that weigh down the hearer and the one from whose mouth they flowed.

Words that may not have even been said directly to someone, but about someone.  Gossip.  Words that may have been pointed directly at the person to prove a point.  To puff out my own chest, to stack pride upon pride.  

I know I have said things and later regretted the very thought that would have triggered the words.  I have been praying each day Psalm 141:3 (above) and Psalm 119:14 "Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer."

It's my prayer that my words bring people closer to Jesus, not drive a wedge between me and them, or more importantly, between them and Jesus.  There is an old saying that my dietitian had hanging in her dining room:  Before you speak: T.H.I.N.K.

T ~ Is it True?
H ~ Is it Helpful?
I  ~ Is it Inspiring?
N ~ Is it Necessary?
K ~ Is it Kind?

If it doesn't fall under these categories, then does it really need to be said or spread?  Probably not.  There are probably very few exceptions where it would be pleasing to God, and respectful or honoring others to talk about them or talk to them in a way that would shed a negative light on them.   

Friend, let me encourage you to speak life where dead words want to flow.  Infuse wisdom where ever you can, and let God's word fill you up for that wisdom to flow.  It's not always easy to say kind things when you've been hurt, but kind words heal.  

It's not always necessary to get the last word in.  Maybe God wants us to be quiet for a turn.  It's not always easy to inspire someone who has drained the very hope out of you that they need.  Find hope in Him and keep on inspiring.  Sometimes speaking the truth is not helpful, so use wisdom when needing to tell someone the truth about someone else.  

Sometimes, a kind word will bring healing to a situation where it seemed impossible.  Words of life, love and wisdom bring people closer to Jesus.  They draw people to Him.  They will also uplift and bring life to you as you speak them.  
It's funny that I have to learn this lesson over and over.  I am forever reminded each time I tell my children to be kind with their words.  I pray that I am setting a good example for them to know that they can trust me with their secrets, and that they can see through the life I live that speaking positive of others is the best policy.

Father, we've all been guilty of repeating something or saying something that didn't honor you.  We repent for those times where we've not been wise with words.  I ask that you would set a guard over our mouth and keep watch over the door of our lips.  Let the words of our mouth and the meditation of our hearts be acceptable to you, O Lord.  I thank you, God, for giving us wise words, words of life to speak into any situation, even the one's that seem impossible in our eyes.  Give us wisdom in all circumstances and fill our mouths with praise at all times.  In Jesus Name, Amen.

A Thankful Heart: This is Abundant Life

Linking up with Lisa Jo Baker again for Five Minute Friday.  Click HERE to join in the fun!  Today's word prompt is "Tree".  

Go.

I took a little road trip last weekend to visit my parents with my boys.  Todd needed some down time with all he's had going on with work and his dad's health.  There is a place on my parents property that I love to sit and reflect.  This old swing, attached to an old branch that is probably older than I.

It's here where I sit and think about God's glory and His personal invitation for us to seek Him and fellowship with Him.  It's here where I watch as the lake, hit with drought, recedes, yet the trees thrive with an abundance of leaves.  

It's here that I realize there is nothing I can do to make these trees live.  They are taken care of by our Heavenly Father.  Those trees, they aren't worried about when the rain will come or how much it will be.  They just live.  They thrive in the trust that He has already provided.  Here is what God promises us if we trust in Him.  

Jeremiah 17:7-8  "Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose trust is the LORD.  He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit."

What an amazing God we serve.  The only thing we need to do is trust in Him, and He will take care of the rest.  All those worries and anxieties are not meant for us to hold onto.  Trust completely in Him, and even in the dry times, we will not cease to bear fruit.

Stop.

Ah, so much more to write about that, but time is up!  

A Thankful Heart: 5 Ways to Lay Aside the Weight

As I start writing this blog, I find myself with tears welling up.  See, my story is constantly evolving and changing.  I feel so fluid, but I know God is still at work in me.  I've written about my food struggles in the past.  Truthfully, I am stopping myself now, writing this blog to have some accountability.  

This past week I've indulged in more food than one person needs to eat.  Honestly, I could have fed a whole family on what I, alone, ate yesterday.  I was miserable when I went to bed, and miserable when I woke up this morning.  My heart hurts for so many, and the way I cope (when I'm not getting enough time with the Lord) is by eating.  

So, as I was thinking about all of this today, the Lord reminded me of Hebrews 12:1-2.  I know this verse is not talking about weight as in the scale, but it is talking about those things that weigh us down and keep us from finishing our race.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2 looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God."

Gluttony is a sin that I know well.  It is probably the sin that I grapple with the most, and have to rely on grace to bring me out of the cycle of guilt associated with it.  It's not that I want to be a skinny model, but I do want to be healthy.  I do want to make better choices so I can run with endurance the race that is set before me.

I really can't run that race carrying the 50+ extra pounds on my body.  It weighs me down in ways that I was not created or designed to be.  

So, what is my action plan?  

1.  The only thing that will keep me on track is my daily time with the Lord.  "looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith".  Before I can conquer any part of my day, I have to set my eyes on Him alone and remember that "greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world."  

2.  Make exercise a priority.  When I have been successful in healthy living, it has been because I exercised first thing in the morning.  Personally, I have to quit lying to myself that I will exercise "later."  Later doesn't exist when it comes to schedules.

3.  Overhaul of food choices.  I'm already pretty careful about snack foods that come in.  I don't buy Oreos because I WILL eat the whole pack.  The thing that is my Achilles heel is soda.  I have been addicted to it for years, and it will take more than shear will to wean off them.  I will need some serious prayer, y'all!

4.  Get organized.  This doesn't seem to fit in with laying down the weight, but it does.  The thing is, it is easier to make healthy living a priority when we are organized.  I can't tell you how many times I have forgone exercise over trying to get my office organized.  Then, I get online and forget what I was doing.  At that point, I'm discouraged because I have done neither thing that I really needed AND wanted to do.

5.  Finally, my post HERE about cleaning up is in direct correlation with all of this.  I didn't realize 2 weeks ago, when God was dealing with me about social media and other distractions, that He was preparing me for laying down the weight.  Essentially, the things that distract me most every single day need to get a time out.  From Facebook (which has been off my phone for 2 weeks) to even checking the news need to have a break from me.  Too much information, not enough action.

All of this, for the joy that is set before me.  To run the race fully, and to complete what He has called me to do.  

I am truly thankful for a God who is active in my life.  He's active in yours, too.  He cares for us, friends.  He cares deeply about our heart, about our lives.  

Father, thank you so much.  Thank you for providing a way for us to lay our burdens, our weights at your feet.  We know you care for us.  I ask that you would encourage anyone who feels burdened and weighed down whether by food or other poor choices.  I ask you to minister to them the way you did for me, reminding them of your word and your promises for them.  Father, speak to them the way they understand you most, making clear to them the hope and the future you have for them.  I thank you for your word, that it does not return to you void and empty, but goes out and accomplishes that which it was sent to fulfill.  Thank you for fulfilling those things in me, which you have spoken to my heart.  In Jesus' Name, Amen!

A Thankful Heart: The Truth

Linking up with Five Minute Friday over at Lisa Jo's place.  Click Here to learn all about it and join us on Friday's.  Basic rules, write for 5 minutes flat, no back tracking, no editing.  Then, link up on Lisa Jo's page so others can read what you wrote on the prompt.  Today's prompt is:  Truth.

Go.

Truth is, I feel grossly unqualified as a writer/blogger most days.  This blog has blessed me more than I can tell.  It has been healing for me, and I have seen God use it just for me in a thousand ways.  It has grown me in ways that I couldn't have imagined, and I'm only at the beginning.  But, there are days that I think I will never really find my voice or know my mission statement or have a professional looking blog that I desire.

Truth is, God calls me to this keyboard every time I write something.  He beckons me with His wisdom and His hope.  He desires for me to pour out hope to weary hearts, to offer them the same grace that was given to me so many times.  

Truth is, I look at other writers/bloggers and can't believe the talent that oozes through them.  I hope that I can hone my craft so well, and learn and glean from them.  We all have different voices, and we all have hearts to be heard.  

Truth is, I'm thankful for the community I am beginning to feel part of with Five Minute Friday.  For the sister friends I have made through #fmfparty on Twitter.  For Lisa Jo and her willingness to do this every single Friday for writers like me who are just trying to find their voice and lend it to help heal broken hearts.

Stop.

A Thankful Heart: Giving Thanks for White Lines

When I was 15 years old, I babysat for a family that lived about 15 minutes away.  They liked me enough that they would even pick me up and drop me off.  One night, the father of the family took me home.  It was late, past midnight.  The main road to get to my house was really dark, and every so often a car would pass with lights so blaringly bright that I'd lose my sight for a second. 

This is what he told me on the way home that night.  "Keep your eyes on the white line.  If you look at the center dotted lines, you will swerve into their lane.  If you keep your eyes on the straight white line to the right, it will keep you in your lane and help keep you focused when those bright lights are shining at you." 

25 years later, and I can still vividly remember that conversation.  I was just starting to learn to drive, so I'm sure that's a good part of why I remember it.  But, there were spiritual implications to me as well.  Only thing is that, I'm just now starting to understand those words and their spiritual meaning to me.  

We were never meant to focus on the people around us, coming at us.  We were meant to keep our eyes on Jesus alone.  When we become so engulfed in the people around us, whether through serving or through comparing, it's easy to lose sight of our purpose and become disheartened.  We can become hard hearted.

I'm not saying don't serve others, but don't let them become your focus.  Don't let your good work become more important to you than your one on one time with Jesus.  He longs for your heart.  He longs to be your guiding light/line on a dark road.  Keeping your eyes on Him will help keep you focused on the call He's placed on you and help keep you moving forward.

Comparison is an ugly thing that most women have to deal with from time to time.  I've committed this area to the Lord, and He has helped me overcome so many distractions in comparing myself to others.  We can't move ahead in the call of God on our lives if we are too distracted and focused on what our sisters in the Lord are doing or not doing for the Lord.  Make it a point to pray when those jealous or superior feelings start to rise up.

Friend, Jesus wants to give you a heart of flesh for that heart of stone.  Let Him in.  Don't let them enemy fill you with lies of being inferior, jealousy, covetousness, comparison, or haughtiness.  I have been guilty of believing all of those lies and living in them for too long.  

God wants to set us free.  He wants to be able to use us mightily, but we let so much bitterness and jealousy enter in that it thwarts His work.  God is jealous for us.  That definition is that He is vigilant in guarding a possession.  We are not to be jealous of others - apprehensive of losing affection or position; resentful or bitter in rivalry.  

James 3:16-18 "Any place where you find jealousy and selfish ambition, you will discover chaos and evil thriving under its rule.  Heavenly wisdom centers on purity, peace, gentleness, deference, mercy, and other good fruits untainted by hypocrisy. The seed that flowers into righteousness will always be planted in peace by those who embrace peace."

If you have felt jealous or envious of what others have or do, let me encourage you to give it up to Jesus.  If you have compared yourself over and over to others, lay it at His feet.  He has great things for you if you can just focus on Him alone instead of others.  I have been through this, and I know it's so much better on the other side of it.  

The thing is, we are all one body.  The body has many parts.  You ARE an important part of the body.  You have a vital role in kingdom work.  If your gift is to write letters, write on.  If your gift is to make meals for the sick, cook on.  If your gift is to speak at women's events, speak on.  Whatever your gift, carry on, whether you are the only one doing it, or one of  one thousand women doing it.  Carry on.

Father, my heart is burdened for those who have lost their focus.  My heart is heavy for people who feel they don't have a place in the body, or that their place is somehow insignificant.  I lift them up to you, and ask you to do a mighty work in them today.  Heal their broken hearts.  Mend the hurt places.  I pray that they would focus their gaze straight toward you, our white line on a dark road.  I ask that those bright lights heading toward them would dim and that they would be able to see you more clearly, Lord.  Help my friends who feel jealous or envious to lay that at your feet, and to take on humility and kindness.  Let your love so flow upon them right now that they would know you have healed them.  Help them to get reacquainted with you, with your word.  In Jesus Name, Amen.

A Thankful Heart: On Being Real

There was a time in my life that I thought I had it all together, and in the places where I knew I needed work, I hid them behind the mask of perfection.  The only thing I wanted people to see me as was having it all, and having it all together.  

Then, I went through this period of depression.  I was never diagnosed because I wouldn't talk to my doctor about it, but I believe I was dealing with postpartum depression.  And, it probably started at the loss of my first pregnancy 10 years ago, just before my 30th birthday.  When I look back, I can see the marked change in my personality, my faith, and my Pollyanna like optimism about everything in life.

It wasn't long, maybe two weeks after my first son was born 8 years ago that Hurricane Katrina slammed into New Orleans, wreaking havoc on so many.  I have lots of relatives in and around New Orleans, so we were understandably worried, plus I was dealing with hormones going wild.  Another 4 weeks after that, Hurricane Rita was heading to Houston, at least that's what they told us, so we packed up our 6 week old baby and our puppy and hit the road, along with 4 million other Houstonians.  The normally 4 hour trip to Dallas took us more than 17 hours.  We were exhausted and I was completely frazzled with a colicky baby.  I'm pretty sure I lost it on my husband more than once on the way there.

It was also around this time that we had some major financial difficulties, and had to make hard decisions about our future.  Unfortunately, at that time, I internalized everything "bad" in my life, and covered them over with a rainbow and butterfly view for all to see.  I settled into this pessimistic view for myself, and an optimistic view for everyone else.  It was the hardest mask I've ever worn.  It also hardened my heart toward God.

The irony of this is that as a teenager, I performed in a skit with my youth group called "masks" about putting on face and being fake.  I was nothing if not fake.  Even my walk with God was nothing more than what I had learned in the past.  It was not a real, daily walk, just living on yesterday's bread and water.  Day old bread is stale and moldy, and that is pretty much where my faith was.

There are lots of events and life lessons that brought me through to where I am now.  The one thing I've learned through the past 10 years is that people don't want the masked version of you, they want the real, raw, personal you.  They want the good, the bad and the ugly because otherwise, they can't relate to you.

Life is not perfect, and we ALL have ups and downs, good and bad days, happy and sad days.  We all have One Source to lean on in all of those ups and downs, good and bad days, happy and sad days.  What I've learned is that Jesus wants it all.  He wants us to lay it all at his feet.  He wants the real us, not some masked wannabe.  He knows the real us anyway, so why not live it?  

Friend, if you are struggling, find someone to help.  God dropped women into my life to help me get through the emotional ups and downs I was experiencing.  I prayed for help, and God sent it in a big way.  He will do the same for you, if you just ask Him.  Ask and you shall receive.  Let Him love on you, and give you a hope and a future.  

I'm not where I want to be, but I'm not where I was, and for that I am truly thankful!  

A Thankful Heart: Giving Thanks for Grace

Participating in Five Minute Friday, again.  Click HERE to read all about how YOU can join us and write freely.  Today's word prompt is Grace.

Go.

For from his fullness we have all received, *grace upon grace.  John 1:16  

Some versions say grace in place of grace.  

I really like the Amplified version of this verse:

For out of His fullness (abundance) we have all received [all had a share and we were all supplied with] one grace after another and spiritual blessing upon spiritual blessing and even favor upon favor and gift [heaped] upon gift.  John 1:16

There is an abundance of grace awaiting us.  An abundance!  Grace upon grace.  We cry out to God and He pours His grace over us like a cleansing rain.  Jesus is our grace in place of grace.  He is the center of all the grace we receive and give.  

Why then, is it sometimes so hard to receive grace for our sins, our failures, our frustrations, our life?  Sometimes it seems so easy to pour grace out to others, leading them to Jesus, and then beat ourselves up for the very same thing, not believing that same grace is available to us.

This is as much a reminder to myself as it is to you, my friend.  No matter how deep our sin, His grace is deeper still.  No matter how far our failures fly, His grace flies further still.  No matter how big our issues, His grace is bigger still.  He isn't just giving us partial grace, but full grace to cover each one of us through each nook and cranny in our lives.  

Be encouraged today to lean hard into Him when you're not wanting to give yourself grace, and remember that His grace is sufficient for you.  His power is made perfect in your weakness.  Let His grace wash over you today, receive it fully, and live it fully.  When you live in the grace you have received, your life becomes alive in Him.  He loves you, fully, completely and wonderfully.

Stop.

A Thankful Heart: Why It's Time To Clean Up

The title alone scares me.  God has a word for me today, and I'm not liking it.  He wants me to get clean.  Outside of the normal house-cleaning stuff, He wants me to go deeper still.  There are hidden things deep inside that He wants me to get rid of.  Throw off the baggage that I lug around daily.  

If you are anything like me, you have to-do lists, parental requirements and daily life that dominate each waking moment of your day.  At the end of the day, the things that didn't get done get moved to tomorrow's list.  And it is never-ending.  

Add to that, the noise of social media clamoring for our undivided attention and cluttering our hearts and our minds.  It's a constant reminder that in ourselves, WE are not enough.  We can look at our friends pictures on Instagram and they appear to have it together.  "You need to get it together like them", you hear.  On Facebook, the happy statuses that tell of all the great things going on in lives around us.  "Your life isn't as perfect as theirs", you hear.  On Twitter, the community that hasn't gotten to know you yet feels so distant to you.  "You will never fit in, you hear".  

The thing is, nothing is ever as it appears.  And, though we may not ever be enough, God is.  And the other thing is, In Christ, we ARE enough.  The challenge God has presented to me is to clean out the clutter, physical, emotional, and mental clutter.  This is not just a clean your house kind of clean, but a clean your heart kind.  

It's time to clean out the noise and fill it with the peace and tranquility that can only come from time with the Lord.  He desires that for you.  He desires to be the One you seek when you are looking to fill those gaping holes with "something".  Clutter only happens when we don't feel like we have enough.  What would happen if we realized we have enough IN HIM?  

I encourage you today to seek Him out and ask Him to fill those holes in your life that you've been trying to fill with the clutter of social media, games, clothes, just stuff that can't fill the God-sized hole in your heart.  This is a big deal for me.  I've already taken Facebook and Candy Crush off my phone.  I'm limiting the amount of time I have on each social media site, and will not be playing anymore games (i.e. time wasters).  I will not even get on social media until I've had time alone with Him first.  Not only do I not want to fill myself with noise, but I don't want to add to it until I've heard from Him first.  

Will you take this challenge with me?

Father, I lay these things at your feet.  You are so good to me, and I don't want to replace you with the things that are not so good to me as you are.  I want time with you, and I want my focus and my attention to be set upon you, not on what other people have to say.  I ask for forgiveness in the areas where I have let my heart be set upon anything other than you alone.  Thank you for your mercy, which is new every morning!  Thank you for loving me with an everlasting love.  I ask you to change me and renew me as I set myself apart right now to be consecrated to you.  In Jesus Name, Amen!

A Thankful Heart: Knowing God's Will

Knowing God's will for my life has always been at the forefront of all my thoughts and actions.  Constantly questioning, is this where God wants me, what does God want me to do in this situation, or in the grander view of life itself?  I've struggled with knowing the perfect will of God for my life.  I want to know the "big picture" before I start.  I need a list and a plan.  But, that's not how God works.  

Romans 12:1-2 "I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. 2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."

This verse was memorized by the discipleship class from my youth group days.  My youth pastor did a wonderful job of getting the word in us, growing us in God.  When I first memorized this verse, I was in a stage in life that I was trying to learn as much about God as I could.  I wanted to be transformed by his word as verse two says.  However, as I've been meditating on this verse over the past few months, I've focused on the second part of this verse : "that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."  

When we spend time in God's word, allowing it to transform us, then we will be able to discern God's will for our lives.  He's there, waiting for us to grasp on to Him and His word so He can lead us and guide us into His perfect will.  

We won't just accidentally fall into God's will by being at the right place at the right time.  We need to know His word to know His will for us.  Renew your mind, know your destiny.  This is going to be my word for a while as the renewing process takes time and effort.  I believe God's word is rich with vision, provision, instruction, life and hope.  

Have you been questioning God about your next step, future, or the grand plan?  Consider hiding the word in your heart.  Your spirit will be more in tune with the Holy Spirit when you have the word in you.  We know for sure that God will never lead us to do something that is contrary to his word.  We also know that He has given us spiritual gifts to be used for His glory.  What are your spiritual gifts?  How can you use them for Him, either at your local church, in small group, or even in your community?  That is always a good place to start. 

I guarantee, once you step out in faith to do something for Him, you will know if it's God's will for you.  This is my testimony on this subject.  About a year ago, I was really struggling with what God would have me "do".  I was faithful to going to church and small group, but I really wanted more.  I ran into a friend who is the director of a local non-profit.  She needed volunteers for their Christmas outreach, and I was available for a couple of days to do that.  Once I was there, I instantly knew that was where God wanted me to serve.  See, I'm not gifted in working with children, music, or many other church operations, but I saw the need at Lighthouse and knew I had a gift that could be used there.  

After my couple of days around Christmas, I started volunteering there one day a week while my youngest was in pre-school.  My "job" was to work the front desk, create flyers and other office related things, and it was right up my alley.  It was the first time in years that I really knew I was right exactly where God wanted me to be.  I wish I could explain all of this right in front of you.  You could see that I have tears in my eyes because of His goodness to me, and because of His faithfulness to lead me.  All I had to do was get in His word, be still and listen to His leading.

From the archives (before blogging) journal entry dated 2/1999:  

God has provided resources and the ability for us to make responsible decisions regarding His will for our lives.

1.  God has provided His general will through His word.  We know through His word that we are called to love and lead people to Jesus, not ourselves.

2.  Prayer is vital for knowing God's will.  Prayer time is not just us communicating with God our needs, but Him communicating to us His will.  When you pray, you must allow time for God to talk to you, too.  Matthew 7:7 - Ask, seek and knock and it will be given, you will find, and it will be opened.  

3.  Seek out godly counsel.  God has gifted men and women to counsel others in life.  This is not someone who will tell you what to do, but instead, someone who will help you see the wisdom in your own choice as you follow the leading of the Holy Spirit.

4.  Life circumstances will help you realize God's purpose for your life.  Sometimes we end up where we are by our own choices, but sometimes God is leading us right where we are.  We can look back and see His orchestration throughout our lives.

5.  The Holy Spirit will help you know the will of God for your life by the peace it brings.  

Be blessed friends!