For nearly a year I have felt like a fish out of water. Uncomfortable in my own skin, not feeling like I belong anywhere, I have found myself really focused on my walk with the Lord. Old insecurities have reared their head and continue to do so, even when I feel I have victory over one aspect of it. This is my open book.
I'm not fighting depression like I was over the summer, but those insecurities have certainly dealt me a hand this month. I feel like I am tolerated instead of embraced, and that is at the heart of all my insecurities. When someone is truly loved, they are sought after and pursued. I often feel as though I'm not good enough in any circle of my life.
It feels good to air out my feelings. I don't feel this way every day, but when I do, I need to vent. This feels like the safest place to do that without judgement or regret.
Wow...I could have written last few lines of the 2nd paragraph about family and friends. I have thought out a similar blog post several times...but I have not been brave enough to post. You are not alone, Chandra, and you certainly are loved. I was just thinking about you as I picked up the boys from The Arc today...Missing our little mdo run-ins! Hope we can have a Moms Night Out or In one day soon.
ReplyDeleteYou are such a sweetheart, Tara! I miss getting to see you at the Arc, and in small group! I hope we can get a mom's night out/in soon, too. Let's plan one.
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