The New Normal

The New Normal.

The first time I remember hearing that phrase was shortly after 9/11, when the world as we knew it changed.  We were married just 4 days after the event that changed the world. So, our honeymoon was filled with uncertainty. I'm sure Americans felt that way after Pearl Harbor and WW2.  I'm sure they felt that way after Kennedy was shot, and after the Vietnam War.  Every major event in History has allowed for a "new normal."  

I don't like that phrase. I find it difficult to adapt to new norms.  I mean, I still wish I could just go walk someone in to their gate at the airport.  I miss being able to feel safe going into a large building. On our first anniversary, we went to Niagara Falls, and I was overcome with anxiety because of the large crowds. And now? Now I miss getting out and shopping without a mask. Coughing without feeling every eye on me.  Visiting a sick relative while they are in the hospital or long term care facility.  

The weight of it all has been compounded by being stuck at home, not hugging my parents who moved back to our area just before this started.  The anxiety and stress has grown leaps and bounds by having everyone home for over 6 months, and watching my son suffer from not being able to be around people.  He's the extrovert of the family, so it's been especially hard for him.  The recent hurricane, which looked like it was coming our way, made me realize just how much of the new normal feels like it's choking life right out of me.  

I don't function well these days.  It's hard to get motivated for anything besides eating.  I decided to start blogging again after 3+ years of not writing.  I'm hoping it will help me deal with my anxiety, stress and motivation.  I'm praying that I will somehow come out of this new normal with renewed purpose, vision and hope.  What about you?  How are you coping with the New Normal?

2017 Word of the Year - Purpose

The New Year is one of my most favorite things in life.  It's the possibility of all things becoming new. It's getting the mind in the right place to make things happen. It's getting organized and thoughtful about where you're heading.  

I gave up making resolutions about 5 years ago. I tried a new way of looking at the new year. By participating in the One Word project, the past five years have been focused on specific things I needed to work on.  My previous year's words have been Passion, Live, Transform and Believe.  The words were specific for the season of life I was in, and each had a scripture to inspire them. If you go through my blog, you can find each one there.

This year, I believe God is leading me to the word "Purpose". I live a lot of life on auto-pilot. I get to the end of the day having not accomplished anything worth remembering or not remembering anything I've done. Yes, I have busier seasons, and I stay fairly busy most days, but most of the time I am just going through the motions checking off lists.  

Instead of getting to the end of 2017 wondering if I did anything that mattered, or with purpose, I'd like to get to the end of the year saying "Everything I've done was done with purpose, on purpose."  That is my motto for this year - Live life with purpose on purpose.

John Lennon wasn't the first to say it, but made it famous in his song "Beautiful Boy" - "Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans."  

Purpose is synonymous with Intention and Determination.  Living with Intention and Determination, living with Purpose.  I don't want to be planning life and then find out that it has passed me by. Instead, I'd like to look back at the end of my years and say yes, I lived with purpose.  

I want to serve God with purpose, I want to be a friend with purpose, I want to be a mother with purpose, I want to be a wife with purpose, I want to give with purpose, I want to exercise with purpose, I want to study the Word with purpose, I want to love others with purpose.  Everything I do, I want it to be done with purpose on purpose.  

Proverbs 20:5 "The purpose in a man's heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out." God has gifted each of us with purpose that we have opportunities to discover. We are able to have insight to these gifts and talents as we live each day with purpose. Peace comes with knowing Who has called us and to what He has called us. You are in the right place, at the right time, and so am I.

The purpose of life is to discover your gift.

The work of life is to develop it.

The meaning of life is to give your gift away.

“Finding Your Strength in Difficult Times: A Book of Meditations” by David Viscott

The Transformation

At this time last year, I sat down with my notebook and wrote my goals.  I also wrote my "One Word" for the year - Transform.  (My word for 2016 is Believe)  In my notebook, I wrote down my weight and all my measurements.  I kept track on the first of each month to monitor my progress or lack thereof.  Today, I am down 28 pounds and LOTS of inches in my waist, hips, thighs, etc. I still have further to go, but I am satisfied with the direction I am heading.   

However, I learned a lot in the process.  It's true that 80% of weight loss is what you eat, and 20% is moving your body.  I know this because I could have lost double what I did if I had a little more control over my diet. I saw the monthly totals going down SLOWLY.  I also know this because my husband started his journey in May and lost more than double what I did by watching what and how much he ate.  He's skinny now, y'all!  

I also learned that it takes courage to start going to the gym and try something new.  One of my goals last year was to start going to a class.  It took me 3 months to try one - Tae Bo.  After 20 minutes in that class, I thought I was dying.  I left early and went back to the treadmills.  I didn't leave, even though my pride wanted me to.  It took me another 4 months to gain the courage to try "the big one".  I wanted to try Bodypump for years, but was never brave enough to give it a try.  Finally, after trying it out, I fell in love.  I go 3-4 times a week now, in addition to regular cardio workouts.  

Another thing I learned is that most people at the gym are willing to help out.  Of the different machines and classes I tried out for the first time, there was always someone willing to answer my questions and help me out.  I also found that they aren't going to automatically help, so you have to put yourself out there and ask for it.  Also, if you let instructors know you're new, they will show you how to modify, and how to keep good form so you don't hurt yourself.    

I did make big changes, but I'm still learning in my journey.  I just want to encourage you, if you feel stuck, or feel like you fail your resolutions every year.  Don't give up.  Start where you are.  Everyone has to start somewhere.  Don't be intimidated by the skinny girls or bulky guys.  Most people are just trying to become a better version of themselves, so you do you and don't worry about where they are on their journey.  Make goals and go after them. Find someone to help you, keep you accountable and to encourage you.  

Resolutions and Resolving to Give Them Up

New Years Day is typically a time when people write down their resolutions to better themselves.  The list of ideas runs long.  For the past three years, I've participated in One Word.  One Word is a way of working God's plan into your "resolutions".  My word for this year is Transform.  My word didn't come to me as wonderfully as it did last year.  In fact, it came totally out of the blue and without any fanfare.  

Romans 12:1 & 2 "Therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, I urge you to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God; this is your spiritual worship.  Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God."

So, in writing down this word to make this year a year of transformations, I am essentially resolving to give up resolutions, and instead let God do His work in me.  I am giving up on striving to please God through resolutions, but rather please Him by letting the Holy Spirit work through me.  I am giving up on trying to make myself better, and in place, becoming more like Jesus in my walk with Him.

What this looks like for me is that instead of making a list to lose weight, save money, stay debt free, pray more, read more, and all the other good things we resolve to do at the beginning of the year, I will only choose to be transformed from the inside out.  I will choose to focus solely on how God wants to transform me, like a caterpillar to a butterfly.  He's waiting for me to do my part, because He's already done His part.  I just need to participate in what He's already doing.  For me, that looks like joining a local bible study and getting into His word daily, knowing His voice through His word.  

Did you choose a word, or did a word choose you this year?  Would you share what God is putting on your heart for the year?  

What I Learned from Spongebob

I'm not a big fan of Spongebob.  We let our oldest son start watching it when he was about 3 and a half.  He was quite sick in the hospital, and it was the only thing on the tv that would keep his mind off the IV's and meds shooting through his body.  Much to my dismay, he fell in love with the silly yellow sponge.  During his 8 months of recovery at home, it became a staple in our house, and then just part of regular tv watching.

In all the years of watching Spongebob, I have felt like we've all lost brain cells.  However, I was reminded of a song from one of the Spongebob Christmas specials the other day.  I was getting frustrated while driving, and I can sometimes be that jerky driver.  You can laugh at me.  It's true, I talk to other drivers like they can hear me.  "Just GO, will you?"  Ha!  Well, during one of my "moments", I started singing the song "Don't be a jerk, it's Christmas".  God can literally use anything to remind us of Whose we are, and Who we represent.  

It was an instant mood booster as I remembered that, especially during this season, people are all in a hurry to get places, buy things and be busy.  So, it was a good, silly reminder to be watchful and ready for the opportunity to share His love, and not my frustration.  It's a season to remember Hope, and how Hope came for us, to lead others to Him.  I went into Sam's club a lot less rushed and more relaxed as I thought about that song.  

Wouldn't it be great if we all could take a little lesson from that yellow guy?  Let's not be a jerk, and remember, it's Christmas.  It's the perfect season for us to share the love of Jesus to all we encounter, to show the fruits of the Spirit - can I get a witness for Patience?  Maybe all we need to do is just be the hands and feet of Jesus wherever we are, not just in giving, but in living.  

Will you join me allowing God to use this season to bring us to Hope and to be filled with Hope?  

Releasing Art

Since I can remember, I have been an artist in some form.  I've written poetry and songs.  I've drawn countless pages of different subjects ranging from cartoons to landscapes.  I've painted.  I've sang.  I've taken photos.  I've created jewelry.  I've tried most forms of art and have a great interest in all of them.  However, like most artists, I am quite sensitive to the opinions of others.  

This sensitivity has inhibited me from following dreams and pursuing passions.  It has swallowed me up in the camp of not good enough.  I've dreamed of being a great photographer, but then I think I could never take the kinds of pictures other people would be happy with.  The pressure of pleasing people overwhelms and my dream dies.

I've had dreams of writing a great novel and children's books with lots of different ideas for starting one, and the dream dies because I wonder if anyone would really like my words.  I dream of writing words on this blog that will speak to my readers, and then the dream dies because I see I have 10 followers and I'll never get a true following.  

What if for once, I gave those dreams to God and let Him just work through me without the fear of what others might think?  What if I chose to go all in for once?  What if God actually used my words to show someone how much He loves them?  What if I allow the breath of God to bring me to life and to work through my hands, my art?  It's not really my art anyway, it's all Him.  It's all for His glory.

I want to let go and let God do what He does best and lead.  Instead of me leading the way, I want to freely open myself up to His leading and see where He takes me.  My word for the year was "live".  While reading Ezekiel 37, the Lord spoke to my heart and said "speak to your dry bones, the word of the Lord, and tell them to live."  I knew what He was pointing me to, but I still resisted to truly live and go for it.  

Do you struggle with people pleasing while wanting to follow God?  Let's link arms and work encourage each other to pursue those passions He's placed in us today.

Lord, we lay it all at Your feet today.  We lay down our burdens to take on Your joy.  We lay down our dreams to take on Your plan.  We lay down our abilities to take on Your ability to work through us.  We ask you to give us strength in following You, to be what You've called us to be, and to do what You've called us to do - unashamed.  In Jesus Name, Amen!

Be Still and Rest

I tend to be impatient.  An all or nothing kind of girl, I give up if something doesn't work right after a few tries.  If I exercise and don't see any results in the first week, I give up.  We live in a fast world where everything is get it now.  I mean, I signed up for Amazon Prime so I could get my packages in two days!  Gotta have it now.

But God.  God has a different timeline than we do.  It's not always an instant success or breakthrough.  Sometimes, it takes patience on our part and trust to know that He will bring promises to pass when the time is right.  Sometimes, it's hard to be still and rest in Him.  It's hard to lean into Him and trust that He knows the past, present and future better than we do.  

Oh, friend, that you and I both would put our hope in Him.  That we would both trust that He knows our comings and our goings.  May we both find stillness and rest in Him today, so that as we go about our day, we see Him working all around us.  

What is keeping you from resting in Him today?  Would you join me in leaning into Him today?

Father, we rest in You today.  We put our trust in You and know that You are our beginning and end.  We lean hard into You and ask You to lead us into Your promises, to the yes for our lives and to walk away from the no.  Let us be sensitive to Your leading today.  In Jesus Name, Amen!

31 Days Seeking God

I have been a Christian for a very long time.  I asked Jesus to come live in my heart when I was 5.  I loved Jesus more than anything, going to bed listening to teaching tapes and writing love songs to Jesus by age 7.  I went to Christian school for a few of my elementary school years.  I was in church Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday night and for any special meetings in between.  I was a teenager in a youth group that went out and ministered several times a month at local churches and street events.  

Somewhere along the way, I learned the art of wearing the mask.  Hiding behind Christian clichés became my life.  After years of hiding, my heart became hard and tired.  I stopped seeking, stopped longing and the wonder of Jesus left.  

Recently, the Holy Spirit spoke to me in the middle of our Pastor's message and said "this is for you."  He was teaching on "seeking the Lord."  Immediately, I knew it was time to take Him at His word.  Jeremiah 29:13-14 (MSG) "When you come looking for me, you’ll find me. “Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I’ll make sure you won’t be disappointed.” God’s Decree."

Oh God, I don't want to be disappointed.  I want to seek you with my whole heart.  I want to find you more than anything else.  This has been my prayer for the past month, and I’ve been learning to seek God with fresh eyes.  You know, when you’ve been in a relationship a long time, it is easy to lose that excitement of the new love.  I want that excitement back when I talk about Jesus, when I think of Him.

This 31 day series was born out of a desire to seek God with my whole heart.  To see Him, to hear Him, to know Him.  Join with me, and seek Him with me.  You will not be disappointed to see Him in your everyday life.  One of the rewards of seeking God is getting to know His promises.  The bible says His promises are Yes, and by that we say Amen.  I am going to spend 31 days seeking Him through various promises.  

There are many ways to seek God.  We can seek Him in prayer, worship, His Word, spending time with other believers to be sharpened, and the list goes on.  I hope you will join me and let’s fall back in love with Jesus.  Let’s let Him restore to us the joy of His salvation!

POSTS:

Day 1 - Be Anxious for Nothing
Day 2 - He Will Give Rest
Day 3 - He Will Quiet You by His Love
Day 4 - He is Near to the Broken
Day 5 - He Will Fulfill His Purpose for Me
Day 6 - He is Our Provider
Day 7 - His Grace is Sufficient
Day 8 - He Restores Us
Day 9 - He is Our Peace
Day 10 -  He Cares for You
Day 11 -  He is Faithful
Day 12 -  He is for You
Day 13 -  He is Our Joy
Day 14 -  He Keeps Watch Over Us
Day 15 -  He is Our Helper 
Day 16 -  He is Our Refuge and Strength 
Day 17 -  He Leads Us to Still Waters
Day 18 -  He Gives Us Favor
Day 19 -  His Mercies are New Every Morning
Day 20 -  He Fills Our Hearts Desire
Day 21 -  He is Our Redeemer
Day 22 -  He Makes All Things New
Day 23 -  He is with Us Always
Day 24 -  He Will Strengthen Us
Day 25 -  He is Working in Us
Day 26 -  He Makes All Things Possible
Day 27 -  He Moves Mountains
Day 28 -  He Works All Things for Our Good
Day 29 -  He Will Go Before You
Day 30 -  He is Our Freedom
Day 31 -  He Finished It All

Your Story Matters

I sat in the middle of my bedroom floor with the big purple bin I've lugged around for 20 years.  It's full of memorabilia, pictures, and letters.  Those letters captured my attention this weekend.  I read letters as old as 25 years, and others as new as a year.  While reading through all of the cards and letters, I had a moment where I realized that all of these gifts were a result of God connecting hearts to encourage one another. 

Most authors of the notes sent multiple notes.  Sometimes, the letters were in return for a note I had sent to them.  This was a wonderful reminder from God.  An answer to prayer.  Years later, I am still receiving encouragement from these very notes.  They are fueling my heart to continue to do what I know God has called me to do - encourage others.  I believe I am an encourager.  I love to encourage people.  When asked to describe my perfect job, I've always said it would be a position that allowed me to help someone else shine, and I truly mean that.

The thing is, as an encourager, sometimes your cup can run dry.  Every now and then, a whispered word of hope to someone like me can be life giving.  Hearing that our words helped someone else overcome, well, that gives us the ability to offer words of hope and restoration to others.  Last weekend, I had the privilege of being invited to a bridal shower for a girl I babysat many years ago.  I felt so honored to be a guest and to be able to shower her with blessings for her future.  In return, my cup was full.  The verse Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 was a reminder to me "Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil.  For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow.  But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!"

God never meant for us to live this life in solitude.  Look, I am an introvert, and I LOVE my solitude.  I love quiet, and I need retreat from the demands of life often.  But, I know that God desires for me to step out of that comfort zone sometimes and invite others into my space.  Come into my home and talk or pray.  Come with me to shop or to lunch.  God desires for me to be a friend, to use the gift of encouragement that He's given me.  

Reading through those letters this weekend gave me a reminder that I matter.  My story matters.  YOU matter. YOUR story matters.  It can often feel so minuscule in the grand scheme of life, but you really do have a story, and it really does need to be heard.  

What has God written on your heart?  What is your story?  Join with me, and let's step out of the boat and walk with Jesus to see where He leads our story.  Be encouraged friend, you are not alone.

Fill Me, Lord

Linking up for Five Minute Friday, for the first time over at Kate Motaung's place.  This is a fabulous community of bloggers that link arms on Friday to write for five minutes flat, no editing.  Come join in the fun with us!  This is Kate's first week since taking over for Lisa Jo Baker!

Fill me, Lord.  It's a simple prayer, and it's one I've prayed a thousand times, or more, in my lifetime.  The thing I often forget is that God is just waiting for me to take the first step in getting that prayer answered.  I can pray that prayer until I no longer have breath, but if I don't do my part, I will still be as empty as I ever was.

Have you ever heard the saying "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink"?  That's how I feel about my part in Jesus filling me.  I'm standing on the edge of the water, and He's calling out to me to step in.  He's calling me to get filled up, but if I just stand there at the edge, I can not get filled.

Too often I am more apt to fill up on the junk instead of the one thing that can keep me satisfied.

Instead of filling up on peace, I drown myself in the cares and chaos of this world.

Instead of filling up on joy, I get so focused on problems and the hopelessness that accompany them.

Instead of filling up on love, I allow anger to seep in and boil over to those who are most important to me.

Instead of filling up on the goodness of God, I meditate on how people have failed me.

Instead of filling up on Jesus, I fill up on TV, movies, books, the internet, and anything else that turns my heart from Him.

This is a surrender of sorts.  I want to be filled with Him.  Empty me of me, so I can be filled with You, Lord.  Let my sights be set on You.  Let my hope and trust rest in You.  I don't want to be spiritually dehydrated and spiritually anorexic.  Let me fill up at your table, and let your great love satisfy me.  

Bloom

It's been a while, but I'm finally linking up with Lisa-Jo Baker and the amazing Five Minute Friday community of bloggers with the word prompt BLOOM.  

I don't consider myself a "mommy" blogger.  It's not because I'm not a mom, because I am.  It's because, as a mom, I feel the most inadequate in all my roles in life.  I don't have creative ideas for road trips, or pinterest worthy ideas for getting the kids to obey and do chores.  

However, motherhood, has altered my life in so many wonderful and fulfilling ways.  Motherhood, in all it's triumphs and fears, in all the laughter and tears, in all the trials and victories, is where the most growth has happened in my life.  

For years, I looked to my mom and some of the ladies I grew up knowing as "second" mom's to me as being the ideal mothers.  They were the unattainable perfection for my unrealistic goals regarding being a mom. I held them on a pedestal, and now I understand where my admiration came from.

These ladies labored long and hard for years raising their children.  They went through the very growth that I am going through now.  God grew them spiritually through their natural work of motherhood.

I am a terrible gardener, and would consider myself a brown thumb.  

Something I've learned recently about growing a good plant that will bloom in it's season is this: it requires pruning.  Pruning is necessary to bring forth the harvest, the fruit, the full bloom.  God is in the business of pruning our broken, dead and overgrown areas of our lives so we can bloom into the gift He's called us to be - to bloom into the purpose for which He's called us. 

This is what wikipedia says about the purpose of pruning:  Reasons to prune plants include deadwood removal, shaping (by controlling or directing growth), improving or maintaining health, and both harvesting and increasing the yield or quality of flowers and fruits. 

God is working away in us, removing the dead parts, shaping us to direct our growth, and he's improving our spiritual health to increase the yield and quality of the fruits that we bear.  

Motherhood, is the place where I realize just how much of a sinner I am, and how far short of God's glory I fall.  But, when I look at those mature mothers, who are like strong, old oak trees, who have weathered the storms and still bloom with green leaves, when I look at them, I now understand the reason they bloom  is from the pruning through the early years.  

They are the perfect example of Psalm 92:14 (AMP) "[Growing in grace] they shall still bring forth fruit in old age..."

Let your roots dig deep into Him, for it's in deep roots that we will bloom.  Let's be determined to learn in this season of motherhood, and see where God wants to take us to bloom.  This is a season of pruning for me, and now I'm truly grateful for the growth that is taking place.

Using Your Gift

Have you ever tried to fit in someone else's pants only to realize that you are a size bigger or smaller than they are?  When I was 13, I got baptized (for the second time).  I wasn't planning on getting baptized, but felt strongly about doing it.  I didn't have a change of clothes, so someone told me I could borrow their extra pair of jeans they happened to have.  The problem was that those jeans were two sizes too small for me.  I was trying to put on too small jeans on wet legs.  

I think our gifts are the same way.  God gifts each of us differently, and even people with the same gift have different means of delivery.  God has given me a gift to encourage others through written words, but I have the hardest time saying them out loud to people.  I have a friend who has the same gift of encouraging others, but can't write worth a lick.  

The point is that we can't all wear the same gifts in the same way, and we don't all have the same gifts.  If the jeans don't fit, we need to stop trying to force ourselves into them.  Sometimes walking in our gift means we have to step out in faith and start using them.  What is your gift?  How can you use your gift(s) to glorify God and point others to Him?

Let me encourage you today to take one step in what God has anointed you to do.  Could it be that He is pressing on your heart to bring a meal to someone?  Do you feel like you could help organize your church office, clean the toilets, or take out the trash?  Whatever it is, step out in faith and start using your gifts.  

Father, thank you for giving us good gifts!  Thank you for loving us even in our weaknesses.  I ask that you would help us to identify the areas where you have gifted us, and to reveal to us what you would have us do with those gifts.  Thank you for every good and perfect gift is from you.  I praise you and thank you for all that you are doing!  In Jesus name, Amen!

Release

Linking up with Lisa Jo Baker, and the Five Minute Friday community of bloggers.  Today's prompt word is Release.  Join us if you can!

I've held on so tightly, trying to stay in control.  I am a perfectionist, who is completely imperfect.  I have struggled with insecurity and belonging and worthiness.  Living all of this while God is there saying "let go, give it all to me."

See, nothing in this world is mine.  It all belongs to Him.  This blog that "I" started, is not mine to hoard, but His to do what He wants to do with it.  It's all for His glory.  

When I say "I'm not good enough, I don't write well enough, my story doesn't matter", I am essentially saying God, I can't release this - it's all mine anyway.  There is nothing I can say on my own doing that will change a life, but if I let Him flow through me, He can do amazing things.  

If I let go of needing to be perfect, saying it perfect like some of my favorite writers do, He can flow through me more freely.  If I can let go of needing to be in control, He can take the reigns and give me bigger dreams than I can give myself.  

I choose today, to release it all to Him.  To let go of needing to direct my steps, and instead, let Him lead me like the gentleman He is.  I give it all to you, Lord.  I let go.

That Your Joy May Be Full

I haven't been writing much lately.  It's not that I haven't had much to say, I've just not felt the freedom to say them.  It's almost like God has shut my mouth on purpose.  Partly, I think it's to remind me that He is my source for everything: happiness, peace, creativity, finances, direction, everything that I could possibly need comes from Him alone.

Needless to say, I've also been quiet in real life, too.  It's hard to describe this season because really there are no adequate words.  I love that God uses different times, seasons, vessels and instruments to speak to me and lead me.  Sometimes a song will come on, and it's like He's pouring His love right over me.  Sometimes a dear friend will say just one word that sets off a chain reaction of thoughts that could only come from Him.  Last night, it was in my dream (this happens frequently for me).

I haven't been depressed in a while, but I have felt funky.  I've also been really distant and not pursuing a relationship with the Lord.  I haven't been hiding the word in my heart like I've done for so many years.  A pastor I knew growing up would always say "hide the word in your heart when you don't need it, so when you do need it, it will be there."  I know, the truth is, that we really need the word everyday, but for this purpose, I am using this quote.  

So, last night, I kept hearing the song "this is my commandment that you love one another that your joy may be full."  I wasn't really dreaming, it was more of a prophetic state where I knew God was speaking to my heart and reminding me of His word.  I can't post all of John 15, but that's where we get the command to love so that our joy will be full.

John 15:11-12 "I have spoken these things to you so that My joy may be in you and your joy may be complete. This is My command: Love one another as I have loved you."

The key to complete joy is to love.  Throughout much of John 15, Jesus talks about what it looks like to love and how to love like He does.  Joy found in our things, people, worldly hopes and dreams is temporal and fades quickly.  The joy of a new car fades as soon as the first bill comes and new car smell goes.  Putting our joy on the actions, words or intentions of others will fade as soon as they fail us, because they will.  

However, when joy comes through the Lord, wisdom is born and we are strengthened in that joy.  Not much can move us off that foundation.  Jesus gave us many charges as believers to show people we are followers of Him, but this is the one commandment that He reiterates over and over.  I think there is a reason He would put so much emphasis on love.

John 15:17 "These things I command you, so that you will love one another."

It's like after teaching all this stuff about love, Jesus closes His sermon out with this last thing "love one another."  That's what it all comes down to.  That's where we find our joy.  It's not in the hating of our brothers and sisters in Christ, or even those who have not come to know Him yet.  It's in love that we find our joy.  

Father, thank you for speaking to me in dreams.  Thank you for reminding me to walk in love, and to keep hiding Your word in my heart.  You are so faithful and true, and Your love never fails.  I praise you and I thank you for your goodness and mercy, may they continue to follow me everyday.  May Your love be so evident in my life that joy overflows everywhere I go.  In Jesus Name, Amen!   

Nothing There

I'm WAY late for Five Minute Friday this week.  But, I finally had 5 minutes to sit and this is what poured out.

I've tried for weeks to sit and write.
Nothing is there.
Even in my quiet, thinking time,
Nothing is there.

My art feels empty and contrived,
Nothing is there.
Trying hard not to strive, but
Nothing is there.

Where are you, Lord when it seems
You are not there?
Why can't I feel, hear or see
When I know You ARE there?

Create in me a clean heart
Let something be there.
Distractions try to clutter my heart,
but let nothing be there.

I hide myself in You,
Only You are there.
You make all things new,
Something is there.

Draw Me Close

On a morning when I'm feeling distant, the only thing I can sing is "Draw Me Close To You" by Michael W. Smith.  When this song came out over 10 years ago, it was on constant repeat in my car.  I couldn't get enough of singing that to Jesus.  Just help me know you are near, Lord.

Isn't that what our hearts desire the most?  To know He is close.  To know He is near.  An ever-present help in times of need, and close when the seas are calm, too.  Some scriptures to help us remember that God is close to us today, and always:

James 4:8 (AMP)  "Come close to God, and He will come close to you..."    

Isaiah 55:6 (MSG)  "Seek God while he’s here to be found, pray to him while he’s close at hand."

Psalm 145:18 (NLT) "The Lord is close to all who call on him, yes, to all who call on him in truth."

Psalm 34:18 (NIV) "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

Hebrews 10:22 (ESV) "let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water."

These are just a handful of examples of God wanting to be close to us.  He promises to come close to us if we will come close to Him.  He's near to us when we seek Him.  He's close to us when we call on His name.  He's close to us when we are crushed and broken.  And, we can be confident in drawing close to Him because our hearts have been washed with the blood of Jesus, we are made new.

So, when we sing or pray "Draw Me Close To You", we can sing or pray it in full confidence that He hears us, is close, and ready to answer that prayer.  It's my prayer this morning as I think about where I am in my walk, in my heart, and even in my head.  It's my prayer for you, too.  Let's draw close to Him together, friend.

Linking up with Lisa Jo Baker today for FMF,  The word prompt is "close".  Will you take a chance and join us today?  You will be so encouraged by the beautiful words of others, I promise!

Bring Back Our Girls

I'm a mom of boys.  I prayed for boys from the time I started desiring a family.  Before I was even married, I would write out boy names that I liked.  But, there is a longing in me for a little girl.  We've talked about the possibility of adopting a little girl some day, but nothing on the horizon.  I've really been wanting a girl lately, and there is no way I'm having another baby.  I think sometimes God puts a longing in you for a reason all His own.  

I can't stop thinking about girls I've never met.  Girls half a world away.  Girls who have been stolen, and possibly put "on the market" for sale.  My heart breaks for them, and it breaks for their mothers.  With our American Mother's Day coming up in a few days, I can only think about how these mother's in Nigeria would give anything to have their girls back.

Tears flow as I begin to pray for the girls, and specifically over one girl named Saraya Samuel.  I pray for the Lord to be near her, where ever she is.  I ask that He would give her wisdom and peace, the peace that passes all understanding to guard her heart and her mind in Christ.  I ask the Holy Spirit to comfort her and calm her while she is away from her family.  I pray that she would be filled with peace and hope would abound in her.  In Jesus' name, amen!

I will continue to lift her up until she is found.  Will you join me in praying for these precious girls?  You can find the names listed here.  These are only 180 of the names.  There are over 230 girls missing.  Pray for the nameless girls, too.  They need to be found safe and delivered back home to their families.  

My tears dry up, and I'm trying to work through the anger I feel about this whole situation.  How evil one person, or group could be.  How they could just rip innocent girls out of school and sell them off like heads of cattle.  It makes me sick that this was not a major news story until this week.  How could this have happened a month ago, and we are just now getting the news?  

But God.  He's so good at reminding me that He is always working.  Even now, in this tragedy, He's working.  He's calling us to prayer, and maybe some of us have laid down our prayer warrior hats.  He's calling us to action, and maybe some of us have given up on working in missions.  Will you commit with me, and a whole lot of other people, to pray for these girls until they are found? 

Trading Mess for a Message

"Mess creates stress."  That's what my mom used to tell me when my apartment had the appearance of being broken into and ransacked.  Coming from my mom, that's the truth.  She and my sister have the gene to have a place for everything and everything in it's place.  Somehow, that part of her DNA was not passed on to me.  It intimidated me to the point of never wanting anyone over for fear of my mess being looked down upon.

However, I look at mess differently now.  While I like to have things neat and tidy, it rarely happens in a house with two boys, a husband, a dog and a fish, and my own "green" personality.  I've learned to appreciate the art of what happens in my mess.  You see, my mess is mostly internal.  Working through years of self-doubt, self-esteem issues and depression.  I've found that internal mess creates just as much stress as the external stuff.  

The thing is, God has used all of it.  He has used every single mess I've ever gotten myself into, or made out of something, and turned into something beautiful, meaningful, and valuable.  Without experiencing depression on a personal level, I would not be able to love hurting people.  Without going through self-doubt, I would not be a big cheerleader for people who follow their dreams.  Self-esteem issues pushed me to become the encourager I am today.  

I'm thankful for this promise from God to us:  Romans 8:28 "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."  It's because of the mess in our life that God can shine through and make something of each one of us.  There is freedom in admitting we don't have it all together and that sometimes our lives can be a hot mess.  Our mess is meant to be a testimony to someone else of the goodness and faithfulness of God.  Our mess is our message that shouts to the world that God can turn ashes into something beautiful.  He is always at work in us, friend.  Always, even in our biggest mess.

Broken and Mended

Linking up with Lisa-Jo Baker for Five Minute Friday.  Join us, if you can.  You will be so encouraged by this brave community of writers who link arms every Friday to write for five minutes flat.  Today's word prompt is Glue.

Go.

I knew, when I saw the box, that my special wedding glasses were shattered.  We were getting married in 5 months, and I moved across the country from Texas to Massachusetts.  I moved all of my precious belongings, including these special Mickey and Minnie toasting glasses that the family I babysat for gave to me when I was still single, longing for a husband.  It wasn't that the glasses shattered that broke my heart, but all that they represented.  There was no way to repair them.

Those glasses were a metaphor for brokenness that was happening in my life.  A year earlier, I lost my best friend, unexpectedly.  I began to doubt and question God, and wondered why I was feeling the way I felt.  I couldn't really wrap my head around the things going on around me.  My aunt, who was more like a grandmother, had only passed away 4 months before she did, so the wound was still raw from missing her more than I ever thought I could miss anyone.

For years, I longed to see the goodness of God, but I couldn't see past my own brokenness, blinded by the shards of glass.  Broken people are like broken glass.  Sharp edges cut deep.  The saying is true that hurting people, hurt people.  I was broken, and was the center of my world.  I didn't want people too close, so I pushed old friends away and thought they were the selfish ones.  It took years for me to find new friends, and to allow the vulnerable places to show.  I could not have done that without Jesus at the center of it all.

Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith.  Jesus, the Alpha and Omega, beginning and the end.  Jesus, the One and Only.  He is the Glue that mended those broken places for me.  I am still learning to be open and vulnerable in certain places, and He's still there with the glue of His love and word to mend those broken places.

end.

Faithful and True

It's a quiet Thursday morning.  There is only about a month left of preschool for my youngest, and these quiet Thursday mornings will turn into a symphony of laughter, excitement, and maybe a little yelling.  He's boisterous, that one.  More on him later.  For now, I write.

When I started this blog 3 years ago, I intended it to be a journal of sorts.  I had a few friends who "followed" me, but not many really read it.  So, I felt free to write about everything.  These friends knew my struggles anyway, so it wasn't news to them.  Over time, it has evolved into something I love doing, and though I may not have hundreds of daily readers, I believe God has called me to it.  

I was trying to come up with some catchy title for my blog, but couldn't think of anything.  I ended up with God is always working in us because I thought about the "Experiencing God" bible study that Todd and I did together.  The ONLY bible study we've done together in 12 years of marriage, sadly.  However, in that study, the thing that struck me most was a part that talked about how God is always working in us, and God reminded me of that when I was trying to come up with a name.  

The point of all this is that lately I've been distant from God.  Not really pursuing Him, at the same time believing He is near and has me quiet for a season.  I don't know if the flood gates are about to open, but I do know that He is working in this quiet season.  He is ALWAYS working in us, even when it feels like we are all alone.  When we are on the mountaintop or the valley's, He's right there working in us.

I don't know who came up with this illustration, but I love it!  I mean, I want it plastered on my walls.  See, I grew up believing the opposite was true.  I believed that God's plan was perfect, straight and had no detours.  I believed that my faith was lacking if I went through a trial, and that for some reason, I might even be in sin if I was walking through a valley.  Tell someone who struggles with self-worth, depression and insecurity that they are in sin, and it just exasperates the issue.  

Instead, over the years, God has been so faithful and true to His word.  He loves me through it all.  His grace IS sufficient for me.  There is purpose in our pain, there is purpose in our suffering, and in our race to the finish line, these things produce character and hope in us.

Romans 5:3-4 "Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope"

So, now I can look at a picture like this and see how God has shaped the ups and downs in my life to produce character in me, to give me hope in Him, to know He is continually working on my behalf.  He loves us, friends.  He loves us so much that He has a plan and a purpose for our lives.  He desires to walk with us through the valleys just as much as He is with us in our mountaintop experiences.  Our greatest growth in Him usually takes place in the valley's.  It's through these experiences that He shows His faithfulness in the most intimate ways.

Let me encourage you to find your hope in Him.  I am finding mine in Him.  Let me encourage you, also, that you are not alone.  We all go through ups and downs in life.  Jesus said we would walk through things that wouldn't be fun.  But, we can have confidence that He is faithful to watch over His word and to perform it, and He is the way, truth and life.  He is always faithful and true.  

Do you believe God has a plan for you?  Do you believe you have purpose?  What do you know God has purposed for you to do in life?