Seeking Him

I have not written a blog post in a while.  It's not that I haven't wanted to, I just really had nothing inspiring to write, nothing really on my heart to talk about.  We've had some minor trials here at our house.  Just some medical issues that had to be resolved and the resulting medical bills that follow.  Beyond that, I was just feeling a little uninspired for just about everything in my life.  Blase'...

When I was 15 years old, I attended summer church camp as I had 2 years prior to that, and would another 3 years after.  For some reason, the camp that year stands out in my mind because we broke into small groups daily, meeting in our cabins to discuss the theme of the week.  My camp counselor asked us to write down the person in the bible we most enjoy reading about and why.  I immediately chose David, the psalmist, the shepherd, the King.  Back then, I didn't have an in-depth reason for choosing him.  I think I chose him because "He had a heart after God".  I'm not sure if I really understood what that meant at 15 or not.  I know I had heard it enough in my short 15 years to know that it was important. 

Shoot forward 22 years (WOW!!!), and I was asked that question again on a small group questionnaire.  Again, I chose David.  However, at the age of 37, I think I have a better understanding of David, his heart after God and all of his flaws.  Reading some of his writings in the psalms, you can immediately get the sense that he was trying to constantly please God, but falling short in his own eyes.  Sometimes I joke that David was a little bipolar.  One moment he is down in the dumps over his sin and feeling that God is so far away from him, and in the next breath, he is praising and trusting God.  Psalm 22 is a great example of that.  I think David represents how I feel.  One moment I have complete trust in the Lord to hold me up, to provide, to comfort, and in the next breath, I am questioning His ability to do just what He has promised to do in His word.  After talking to Todd yesterday, I realized that I have allowed my faith to dwindle over the past 10 years.  I haven't sought God fully.  The message at church yesterday was about seeking God first, and I know that I don't completely do that.  When Todd and I met, I believed that the impossible was possible.  I believed that the extraordinary would be common in our lives.  I got discouraged over the years by putting off my time with the Lord in favor of other activities, and I can see the ripple effect in so many areas of my life.  It's amazing how seeking Him first, pursuing Him passionately will bring complete trust and faith in Him.  I am resolving now to SEEK HIM first.  Make HIM a priority.  So many churches have become entertainment venues, self-help seminars and conferences.  It's less about falling in love with Jesus and more about making yourself the best you can be!  Isn't that a shame that our priorities have fallen so out of line with what He has called us to be and do?  I am so inspired by the message shared at church yesterday that all I want to do is fall in love with Jesus all over again.